Posted 8/14/2013 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
Ive notice&I hope ppl on here don't think Iam like truely off,because Iam not I just have days where I go through extra hard&with truth it come out of no where,and I myself don't understand&I get real low and down when I can't understand what goes on. Like right now Ive been good all day&was just playing music&out of no where my eyes start to feel droopy&a rush of panic set it&it just aint right at all and I search for what to do to get 100% better since the first time I came on here when day&night my anxiety was so bad I couldn't think clear&felt like I couldn't be on my own because I would've been harmful to myself. Ive came a long way I can go places on my own again&I can stay by myself&no that Iam and will be ok,other then going to the hospital to see my sister. I thank God Ive not saw no Er truth be told I hate hospitals,I hate their white sheets the smell of sickness and there cold hospital beds&bright lights. Ive always hated hospitals saw to many of my love ones there,but you would never think I did as much as I use to go to the ER& call 911 because my anxiety mind thought the worse. And I would think being in hospital I would be safe,and close to doctors that new what they was doing&sure enough anxiety would calm with help of ativan&the desire to be out the ER.
Kinda why I think I will never have kids&happy I don't have kids I care about my life to much&thats a good&bad thing,and until the day I feel like I can share&let go of some of that care. I wouldn't dare to bring a child into the world that would be so selfish of me,because kids are to come all the way first it's about there life&giving your all as a parent to make sure they have a good. As you protect them with God as much as you can,I look fwd to that day of 100% better I feel Iam at 75% from the 30% at the start of the year,my mind I control my thoughts I speak peace anxiety will no longer run me I must run it away. Don't like it&never have and never will for I speak victory over my life,even when at times I feel like two ppl sad but true&my strong side is that 75% and that 25% is the weak.fearful.panic.sad&down think badly of things around me&I the 75% must fight to get the 25% back so that I will be 100% again&soon to.