Wondering why I'm letting myself get worked up when under pressure

Ok, so I realise I am 'letting' myself get worked up when under pressure, not sure I fully understand why.

I think, like someone said to me before, people usually do things for a reason, maybe there is a positive that I am getting out of it...errrm...I guess it means someone 'might' take over my work, I 'could' in fact get support or understanding, or get something out of my system.

Anger makes me cry, get upset about what is being asked of me, and then I am somewhat defiant? strange way to behave, find it really hard to settle down and do things in a timely fashion for someone. It still maybe could not have been done (by me) within that time. If I rush things, I would worry that I would miss something important.

Please could anyone help :( I feel like I want to leave all the time, and when things get tough, I just feel like I want to walk out. (I must so not appreciate that I have a job, with this type of attitude, it isn't that I don't care, but that I know how much easier things could be, I don't feel happy in it, but worry that I won't feel 'happy' in anything, completeley, over a long period of time) Not sure how to start appreciating things more and not sure what career I want to do, seems like there are barriers alot of the time.

I sound so ungreatful. Maybe to be happy is too much of a leap from being wound up that it is easier to be wound up than 'happy' and I guess being wound up gives me attention, how sad, that I'm thinking this, maybe I have become addicted to the adreniline, can this be possible?? Drama rather than feeling samey and fed up?

Post Edited (HappyBean) : 8/28/2013 1:27:57 PM (GMT-6)

Don't even feel that embarressed anymore over crying, but I guess I do a bit really

Thanks Sookie, I just really feel upset, and not sure how to make it better, other than to get on with it, but then I keep getting upset and it means I'm not focusing properly, and today it really made me feel drained. I keep sort of hoping that things get better, but they don't seem to be, and I'm wondering what to do, no amount of holiday seems to inprove things, if not the shock of going back is worse after holiday.

I see some really good insights in your post HB. You are very in tune with your feelings, and honest about your issues. I know that it seemed like a long way off...but when you get to your CBT appointment next month, you are going to do really well, I know it! :)

Some people do really well under pressure, while others tend to get overwhelmed by it. I vasilated between the two, depending on my current anxiety level.

To say that you must not appreciate your job because you get frustrated by it is simply not a fact however. Many things that cause us angst are also the things that we cherish (think family members! Lol!) You are simply feeling crushed by your current workload and expectations.

I would attack this as a two pronged approach:

1) Prioritize at work. List the order of things to be done by order or importance, ease of facilitation and deadlines. Don't get bogged down doing little jobs that someone just throws at you...stay focused on the list.

2) Decompress and manage anxiety at home. Do those coping skills everyday...even if you are exhausted or think that you don't have the time...this it the time that you need them the most.

We are here cheering you on. Your feelings are completely normal, and we fully understand. Keep posting with us for support!

S.C.

Feeling a bit better now :) Thank you! I hope tomorrow goes ok, for me and everyone :) Best wishes!