Posted 9/7/2013 2:36 AM (GMT 0)
Like so many, my anxiety got so much better and I got tired of thinking about anxiety and so over time I disappeared. No better excuse than that. I see that some of the same folks are still here, hanging in there and helping others. I applaud you ALL! Even though I havenn't been here, I have kept this page bookmarked on my pc. Selfish of me, I suppose. So why am I here now? I'm feeling pretty small to "show my face" here, but I'm sort of out of it because on Monday I left the house, as usual, to go to the laundromat. On the way home, "Sweet Home Alabama" started playing on the radio and I was singing along and hating to turn it off when I pulled up to the apartment. I saw Mom waiting at the front door, again, nothing unusual about that, waiting to hold it open for me as I carried some grocery stuffs and the laundry baskets in. as I got up to the door, I could see she was upset and I asked her what was wrong. She said that she'd tell me in a minute but to bring the stuff on in the house. I went back out for the laundry baskets and i saw that her face was very troubled and I begged her to tell me what was wrong as she was scaring me! As I'm rushing to take the baskets down the hallway to the back bedroom, I'm asking her if my niece is okay (she was traveling back from a trip) and she said yes she's fine....and then it hit me: I asked her about my cockatiel, Peeper. Mom burst out crying and I went to the floor. I had peeper for nearly 17 years. He was the child that I never had. he would cuddle against my face and sit on my lap and I'd rub his little head. He was seldom ever forced to stay in his cage. He was such a happy lovable bird with so much personality! When I'd left him just an hour or so earlier, he had been fine. he was sitting in one of his favorite spots (a safe spot I assure you)--he had his own room---but anyhow, Mom had went into the room to see if he wanted to go up on his cage and found him laying on the floor, near his spot, dead. There were o warning signs. Nothing. Mom and I have been mourning him a lot. I buried him in the back yard. This house seems so empty and all the liveliness has left the building. I find myself fearing that something will happen to my mom who is 67 and does have health issues. My nerves are a bit bad, but thankfully no panic attacks. I'm so tired and can never have another pet again. Mom has COPD and the dander wasn't really good for her in the first place, but we were both so attached to Peeper when she was diagnosed and we have air filters in the apartment to help some. Also, if something happened to Mom, I would have enough to deal with just taking care of her, so it's just as well I don't get another bird. No bird could ever take Peep's place anyhow.
I know that some people can't comprehend how a person can love a bird so deeply. They can be just as loving as dogs and loyal too.
Anyway, forgive me for dropping in and dumping this on y'all, especially since I haven't been around in a long time...I am just so sad right now.