Needing coping methods.

A friend told me this site helped her a lot during some rough times while she was undergoing chemo. Not even directly, she just read topics of people going through what she was and found tips and tricks to cope. Though I admit I'm a bit skeptical as where as she had mild anxiety and panic attacks due to her Cancer and the situation surrounding it that went away once she was healthy again, I have more severe symptoms and a lot of reasons for them. Such as a central nervous disorder.

Which brings me to the thought I guess I'll need to give a little backstory, since it's my first time here and I'm seeking advice. Gotta know what you're dealing with. So, I have Fibromyalgia - a lot of my family members have it and I've exhibited symptoms from birth versus my family members who exhibited symptoms after traumatic events, so my doctor feels at least my mental state due to the pain and other symptoms is a lot worse off due to the length of time I've been suffering. I have PCOS which causes the most intense physical problems. Cysts both internally and externally (Hidradenitis suppurativa), weight fluctuations and cystic acne. I have a suspected problem with my thyroid, due to the fact all my symptoms lately have matched up and I was found to have a lot of nodules on and around my thyroid, and my lymph nodes are constantly swollen. I'm prone to infections - and I get them multiple times every 'cycle', which due to my PCOS those cycles are inconsistent aside from the fact they always last at least 1.5 months. This current one has been going on for 2 months, heavily. On top of all this, I only last year had my Gallbladder out and have been dealing with issues with food for a while now because I can't seem to process fats properly, I have GERD, severe Social and General Anxiety, paranoia, Bi-Polar Disorder Type 1 focusing more on Manic episodes, "Anxiety Induced High Blood Pressure" and according to recent stress tests, a 30 year old heart at the age of 22. My small valves are stiffening dramatically due to my anxiety and stress levels. I also have a history of self harm, suicide attempts and an eating disorder (Bulimia).

All of these issues mixed with some pretty terrible situations in my life currently have lead me down a dark path. As I'm sure anyone knows with any type of addiction, you're always going to have those moments of wanting to relapse. I've been having some rough times dealing with my emotions and have been barely holding on. My main problem is that I have too many problems. I'm waiting months to see 9 specialists so we can finally figure out 100% all the problems I have instead of trying to medicate symptoms as they come. Because currently I'm on 12 medications, which is down a lot from my 21 I was at the beginning of this year. Admittedly a lot were just buffer medications to help with anxiety/panic attacks, which I have rolling ones constantly. I can't even swallow half the time. My throat feels like it closes up in fear when I'm eating or drinking. I'm afraid of death/have mortality issues and that's the biggest thing consuming me right now. My Psychiatrist unfortunately isn't very well matched with me and I'm currently trying to find another, because he doesn't really want to talk and just wants to medicate me and has given me 6 medications so far I've had horrible reactions to.

So I'm looking for coping mechanisms from people who suffer from mortality issues/paranoia/etc or people who have experience with those subjects. I haven't found any that work so far, even deep breathing. It actually makes me more panicked to think about my body functions. When I think about drinking I choke, when I think about my heart it feels like it's going to explode, etc. I can't get out of my head and just live in the moment and move forward most of the time. I can't center myself when I'm at my worst. I'm not good at visualizing peaceful meadows, I try exercising but I have to go light because of a torn tendon I'm getting surgery on soon. I honestly just don't know how to cope an unfortunately there's no professionals who have been able to help me. My primary wants to so badly but she has no experience in mental health so all she's been able to do is supply me with small doses of Xanax just so I can have the courage to leave the house. It's getting ridiculous. I can't make calls, go shopping, leave the house to check the mail without breaking down and having a panic attack. I just want to live my life. I want to feel in control. I haven't felt in control since pre-puberty. And even then, I was just distracted easily. When I was alone with my thoughts, it was always bad. I think the hardest thing I have coping with with my lack of control is that it's just so strange to me that with all my problems, including some pretty severe physical ones, something like anxiety would do me under. Something I can't see or feel until it just hits me like a rock. Something that has no reason or sense. I can be enjoying myself and loving my life and out of nowhere it can destroy me.

Anyway, thank you to anyone with help or insight ahead of time. Thanks for at the very least listening to me. It helps to get things out. Not a lot, but some. Sorry for any rambling, as well. My brain works a bit faster and more chaotic than it should.

Hi Tera and welcome.

Thank you for taking the time to introduce youself and give us some background

I am sorry to hear of your struggles, and encourage you to look into all of the things that BR has adivsed you on. Our Resources are full of great ideas to get you started with self-help.

Please feel free to post with us anytime. We understand and care, and look forward to getting to know you better!

Scaredy Cat