How Did I Get Here?

How did I get here again I feel a mess right now&my heart is heavy this has been days in the making,and Ive been fighting&fighting to keep it off but the fact is it broke me today out of no where. Maybe it was the thought of my phone being broken&it has became my life line,but it wasn't broke I just hit something wrong are maybe its a story I ran into of another lil girl 6 years old gone by shots I want to break down again. I lost it for a min because I just don't understand how ppl can be that evil,they saw that baby there&what got me is her last words she fidn't even know she was hurt&she ask her dad was he ok.

A six year old asking a grow man was he ok being selfless at six years old with so many selfish ppl,going around taking life like it's nothing&I bet anything if it was looking them in the face they would beg for there life saying how they don't want to die but take another life without thought. I just don't get it&Iam sorry yall if this post gets long,but so much is on my mind&I know ppl must be tired of me but Iam able to keep making it with sharing&my heart is so heavy right now it's hard to breath. And no it's not my asthma but a small part of anxiety&a whole lot of depression&alot of hurt that no matter how hard I try to shake,I shake it for a min&then out of no where it pops up. So that says I covered it&I didn't heal from it&its slowly eating at me,to the point I fear one day soon there will be nothing there to eat away at.
And I must find a doctor who get paid to hear my hurts and broken heart that hasn't heal all the way from yet,hi doctor Iam 28years old and I fear Iam dying everyday with some sickness. And my mind is my worse enemy&its slowly driving me insain,are doctor ppl say Iam beautiful but I don't see it I see scars that make me sick to look at myself. Oh wait doctor since 2008 Ive live house to house floor to floor, apartment to apartment because my mom most of the time,but wait doctor how can I put all blame on her when with truth she is a big why to 80%of my pain but Iam now grown enough. Where I should have my own¬ worry about this are that I have no kids,so whats the problem doctor I can tell you its my f n mind that jyst want give me a break. Its my fears that cause me to stand and not move its my dreams of evil that hunt me until they become true,its my weakness of dealing with things like Iam a kid still stuck without a father and oh howbI did need him&its my mother cycle. Of living with men not to many but enough&this dang cycle of a fatherless home on repeat,from her to us not a bad mother but she could've did somethings better.

Oh and then doctor there is a half sister I have that only brings me down&builds up my brother,when truth is she don't no now one of us,and there are other ppl to in both sides of my family that have&still make me feel like a black sheep&worthless. Oh doctor the evil part of it all is my relationships men who have dog me&treat me like crap& cheat&lie&hurt me. I mean what do I do doctor how do I heal doctor alot of ishhh wrong&If I don't get it together there want be any good out of this, the doctor will get a ear full there is so much more but healing well post can only be so long,and I will be done gave a whole true book yall&I know Iam not crazy&I hope you all don't think Iam either. Fact is life sucks real hard right now&Iam just a small girl in a big world,trying to live with peace but hell always hunts me&I want to live free of this crap for good just not a few days&then hell back on earth again. No dang it I have a right to better&to be happy with truth&enjoy my life without all the ish,I haveva right to that&Iam sick&tired of up&down I just want to be up and I fight oh how I fight for my greater.