I haven't been feeling so great over the past few days. Over the summer I had mostly severe anxiety, and now I
have both very bad anxiety and depression. I started school last week. I decided to sign up for a morning class in order to change my sleep pattern (I would wake up in the afternoon or evening) and so far it's working and i've been waking up early for a class at 9 am (I missed one today because i'm not feeling very well). I changed my sleep pattern by several hours. I'm happy that it's working out ok, but it also makes me realize even more how empty my life is- no friends, nobody at all- and it makes me depressed. I was supposed to be referred to a new psychiatrist, but i've been waiting for a few weeks now and haven't got a call yet, which really bothers me because all I want is to figure out what my problem is so I can start feeling normal for once. I've been having negative, scary intrusive thoughts every day, almost all of the time, and also feel kind of numb, which really bothers me (I strongly dislike when I feel both at once, because it makes me feel like an awful person). I also feel really short of breath/like I can't breathe or like i'm not getting in enough air and will stop breathing (I even decided that over the weekend I might try to quit smoking, just so I won't have as much of a reason to be worried about my breathing, and because I need to for a lot of reasons), and very tired. My derealization is also really bad- I feel like i'm going through life in a fog, like it's a dream or something, and it makes it hard to enjoy life. I also find it really difficult to talk to people having this problem, because I don't feel totally present or all there, like i'm emotionally detached or something also. I feel like I can't stop myself from feeling depressed. I remember a couple of years ago I would feel depressed for a while and then go back to "normal" (as normal as I could be given the problems that I have) but now i'm always depressed, no matter what. Recently a family member had some problems of their own, anxiety related ones, and I have tried to be there for them the past couple days, talking on the phone and stuff. Last night I felt really upset, though, because I started thinking about how many times I told them about my problems and they just ignored me, same with other family members who have been supportive to them the past few days. This family member did say that the way they responded when i've had difficulties was wrong, so I accept that I guess, but it still makes me upset because I went through a lot of really bad times on my own. I'd really appreciate any advice right now. Life has seemed really unpleasant lately. I just hope I get a call to see a new psychiatrist soon and can start figuring this out.