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can't decide to go to grandma's funeral in colorado

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Posted 9/26/2013 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
ok my mom said she would pay for me and my sisters to go to Colorado for my grandma's memorial and i'm afraid to fly.  ugh  I live in Oklahoma . been having lots of the globus symptoms since she died and driving myself crazy.  i'm so mad at this anxiety.  I want to be a grownup and be brave and just do this  but no, my anxiety is holding me back.  ugh 

my throat has been dry, my allergies are acting up and i'm making myself crazy.  I hate leaving my son with his dad because i'm afraid he might get sick or something stupid like that.  his dad is ok but isn't the best. 

I would have to fly by myself and I know I don't do well on trips - especially stressful trips.  would I regret if I don't go though?  maybe I need the closure?  ughhhhh  I need to decide soon though!

Posted 9/26/2013 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
HN,

Again, I am so sorry about your dear gran.:(

This is a hard decision to make. I know that I am glad that I attended both my father's and grandmother's (at age 15 and 18) funerals that I also had to travel for.

I do not really have an issue with flying...and I did not of course have to leave my child...but I was very nervous about going to both of the services, as I have always had a phobia about death/dying/hospitals and funerals.

However, there are things in life that while we don't feel comfortable doing, looking back, we are glad that we took the harder road, and did them.

I can't tell you what the best decision for you is...only you know your current state of being, and your limits. This is just my experience.

Wishing you the best in making your choice

Hugs and comfort,

S.C.
Posted 9/26/2013 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
Hazel,

I am sorry for your loss, you have my prayers and deepest sympathy.

I'm sure your grandmother would understand and want you to be okay.  She will always be with you in your heart and memories.

If you cannot go, do not feel badly as you do have an anxiety disorder as well as many other things stressing you right now.  It's not like you don't want to go, it is the fear of traveling alone, and the GAD that are causing you to stay at home.  

Give yourself permission to do your own memorial for your Grandmother at home and do not get caught up in guilt.

As far as your Mother, thank her for the offer to pay your way, tell her your sorry you cannot come  but  let her know that your Grandmother was a very special lady and she will always be remembered by you.


In the end, nobody knows but you how you will feel after the service if you do not go so do what you feel is the best for your health.

Prayers,

Kitt

Posted 9/26/2013 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
thanks girls. I want to go now - I hate this anxiety. I want it to disappear. I just want to feel normal. I wish my brain didn't work overtime. ughh
Posted 9/27/2013 5:33 AM (GMT 0)
Funerals are not for the people who have passed, they are for those who are left behind, Your Grandmother knew well how much You loved Her and She would not care for a minute if you wanted to
get out all the old reminders of Her when She was alive and look and cry all you want to.
Just do this one thing for yourself, make a decision, and don't look back! Peace

Larry ***
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