New here, thinking of voluntarily admitting myself, looking for advice.....

Hello everyone! I am new here and I am glad I found HW, I have a feeling I will be a long time member.

This may sound like a silly question but to me it's a very valid one. I am considering admitting myself to psych hospital but am concerned if doctors will prescribe my pain medications as I am also in chronic pain. Here's my story:

I was diagnosed with Anxiety/Panic/Depression back in 2009 while working in a very stressful job which would not have been an issue had my husband not just been admitted to rehab for alcoholism and finding out something absolutely foul and disgusting had happened to my daughter. I was taken by ambulance from work to hospital and remember the beginning of what I thought was a heart attack and then coming to in the ER with the absolute worst headache of my life which lasted 2 months with no relief at all, doctor was treating as a migraine and sent to neurologist to find out it was a tension headache and took lots of different treatments finally getting 2 rounds of injections in my head and neck and shoulders to relieve, after which was started on medication for the anxiety and depression.

It's been 4 years and have been on many different medications to find what is the right treatment finally seemed to have things under control and lived almost happily for a while. My husband is an alcoholic and admits it, for a while he did well but then just lost control, he has depression and anxiety issues of his own and self medicates since he refuses treatment with pills or therapist. I have supported him in every way possible, by his side every step of the way doing what I could to be supportive since I love my husband and want him to get better. Last year I started having female issues and in the beginning thought the symptoms were normal due to my age at the time being 39 and just my body changing. As it began to get worse and worse, I finally decided to go to the doctor and he found fibroid tumors in my uterus which is not normally a problem since some women have them and don't even realize it however, mine were causing major issues turns out that was not the problem, I was diagnosed with Adenomyosis which is a uterine disease, after months of trying different treatments I had a partial hysterectomy leaving ovaries for hormonal purposes since doctor found no reason to take them out, since then ovaries have become problematic and am now having surgery to have them removed as well at the end of October, that's where the chronic pain comes in to play and take pain medications just to be able to get out of bed in the morning and sort of function like a normal human being.

All of this as well as the stress of just everyday life my daughter moving away to college and her not dealing with it very well, my husband who has admitted to liking being an alcoholic and not going to quit drinking as well as other things that I could probably fill the whole forum with if I managed to tell all, we have separated 3x now and we have gotten back together with him claiming that things will change, the only thing that has changed is ME!!! I have totally lost myself, all sense of worth, feeling useless as a human being, failing my daughter and myself and family everything that made me, me. I used to be a very lively, outgoing, fun loving person, strong, independent, stubborn, funny had many friends and all of that has changed. I now cry every day sometimes all day and most times it takes nothing to set me off.

Here is where the hospital comes in, I'm now ANGRY!! Mad as hell I mean to the point of wanting to destroy things, I will not violate the rules of the forum by saying anything I shouldn't but I'm mad mad mad mad mad!! This is not me at all!!! I scare myself with the anger I have inside of me that wants to come out, I kicked a small hole in my bedroom door last night and just screamed at the top of my lungs. I plan on calling my psychiatrist and asking about voluntarily admitting myself because the anger scares me that much.

So back to the initial reason for my post, does anyone have any idea if doctors will treat my pain if I do admit myself as that scares me as well to not get treatment for one thing to seek treatment for another.

Thanks for letting me be here and I apologize for the extremely long post, I hope I didn't break any forum rules for making such a long thread!! LOL and thank you in advance for any advice given, I truly welcome it since I have become an introvert and have alienated most friends as to not trouble anyone with my problems.

Thank you!!! I didn't even think of "shopping around" I was so blinded by rage that I wasn't even thinking.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still angry and it scares the hell out of me. It's just not me at all I know I need to be in the hospital, but I worry about everything like paying the bills and my daughter being in another state in college and having her worry about me not focusing on school, my husband is absolutely useless!! And here is my problem, I worry about everyone and everything else but myself I always have and now that MY health is being affected I'm still worried about everyone else.

I have never been so angry in all my life, I'm normally a very laid back kind of person and roll with the punches, I'm a Libra lol I get along with everyone!!! This is why I'm scared and the more I think about what will or won't happen if I'm in the hospital the more angry I get.

I guess for the moment I'm at a loss until I can decide what to do.

Thanks for the support, I am going to like it here :)

Hello Lynn, thanks for your patience. 4 years ago I knew I was having a nervous breakdown.
After weeks of sleeping and barely eating or drinking. People like us are good at acting. Its when the final layer is broken I kept going to emergency room. I finely trip there was a doctor who said he would handle everything for me..I believed that. This is about 10 am, I lay on a gurney for hours, people smilng and so caring. I left that hospital about 9 pm. in a sheriff van, handcuffed to a caring deputy making smalltalk. He was telling me that i was makin the right decision.

I was taken to the back door of the mental hosp. from that point they took everything, my purse was just dumped out on a table. I was body searched, so degrading . The person was as rude as she could. They finely let me get dressed again. I found out that first night about 5 a.m that my meds were due. I tried to tell the person it was to early. My schedule was taking all of my meds. 7 a.m, 3 pm and finely at 9 pmm as that was vital to my medicine working for me. THat was never once used and i was in unbareable pain. my nerve meds were totally screwed up.

I spent one week in there, the minemum amount I HAD to stay. when I went there I walked in with only one walking cane. I left the ficility in a wheelchair and help needed to get in my van. From that time I have been slowing using more help. I am now in a wheel chair and then a rechargable 3 wheel go go. OK, I cant type any longer, i will be back lynn.......hugs Cathy

Hey all,
Thanks for all your advice, I definitely plan on continuing to post here feels good!

Well, I did end up going to the er yesterday after talking to my psych PA she said it sounded like I was making the right decision, I won't bore you all with the long drawn out details of the wait time and all er nonsense, but the moral of the story is I was not admitted! I think at this point I'm grateful, but the reason makes me mad! I do not have insurance of any kind I collect unemployment and make too much for state insurance but can't afford private insurance. The psych hospital that my Dr is affiliated will flat out will not take you without insurance and the hospital I was at had no empty beds on their psych floor. I saw a nurse, PA and a social worker, never an er Dr! I had to beg for my meds and the pain meds they tried to give me percocet, when I told the nurse that's not what I take and to look at my records I was told well that's what she ordered, I again told her look at my records that percs do nothing for me not to even bother, I finally got the correct meds and was in a lot of pain at this point.

I think the social worker thought I was being rediculous with wanting to admit myself, I'm not proud of this, but I finally screamed at her that if I wasn't afraid of what I might do why the hell would I waste my entire day at the hospital!! I was given a choice to stay overnight and wait to see psych Dr this morning and that MAYBE a bed would open up today, honestly I had enough of the er BS and decided to leave and just deal with my own psychiatrist on Monday.

I'm not as angry as I was that made me go, no I'm frustrated and feel deflated and just disappointed in the health care system!! So unless it gets worse and I feel like I may harm myself or someone else, I am just going to ride it out with my own Dr. And ask him for a med change since the prozac /diazepam combo seems to have run it's course.

Thank you all again for the advice and I'm very thankful to have found you all and this site!!!

Yes keep posting at the start of this year Ive spent two days on psyc floor locked up,one way in&one way out got out one psyc hospital for 4days to go to another for 4days. After last stay I was out for a month things started to stress me out,thought a few times of checking myself into long care psyc help but would get on healing well&vent. Saved my life haven't been in any psyc place for almost 4months,and any meds you need they will have but most of the time with most of psyc hospitals a person has to be real bad off¬ able to be alone by self because might do something crazy thats what psyc hospital is for.

But I think you are what I need to get myself through in bad times,I would need someone to vent to&know for a fact that they will not judge me,I needed ppl who understand&get how at times I feel. And HW is all that&more&great ppl here,Larry,Kitt,SC,BeRock,and other great ppl here all understand I understand&just vent away.