Me AGAIN

I just can't stop. I've been trying to read the books I got at the retreat. The one I'm on right now is about meditation and the different types. That's what the retreat was based on. They believe meditation can pretty much heal you. Especially good for people like me with anxiety and fear.

So before I left my son sounded horrible. Couldn't tell if it was a cold or allergies. Well I come home and the baby had it. Then yesterday something hit me. My throat hurt and I was nauseated all day. So I pretty much stayed in bed all day. Today it moved down to my chest. I didn't feel as bad today. I didn't feel great but not as bad.

I didn't want to do anything but I had to get to the pharmacy and some groceries and household stuff. So went to kaiser and they pulled my medication off the shelf that morning so I had to wait. Being there was making my phobia worse. I noticed how they were almost out of pedialyte which makes me believe the stomach flu is making its rounds early again which was making me more anxious. Then we went to Walmart which was a disaster. Kids were brats, my shopping list was too long, so I didn't get everything. I typically only shop every couple weeks to a month because my phobia keeps me from stores. I make quick stops that's it in between. So anyway. It was late kids were hungry so got some wings at KFC and got the boys wienershnitzel. Ate about 6 wings and some fries then later had some yogurt.

Now is the delimma. My stomach won't stop rumbling. I got this nervous sick feeling. Which is making me more nervous. I was trying not to bug but I have no one to talk to. I'm scared. I'm scared its a stomach virus of course or food poisioning. One reason I hate eating out too because I don't know how the food is handled. Or maybe if I had a rational mind then it's just my body digesting. I dunno. I only ate crackers yesterday and a granola bar today until the chicken. So I went many hours with no food.

I'm trying so hard to be calm and talk myself through this. But I think being alone and no one to talk to makes me feel trapped and like I'm suffocating in my fear.

I'm going from the bottom up, okay? :)

Your stomach probably IS just trying to digest! It was basically empty when you ate, and now it's trying to digest protein, dairy, and a little bit of grease. (That's good - you need to feed your body.) However, you're probably going to be pretty aware of the digestion process. It wouldn't be anything normal for you to have some gas, some rumbling, maybe even a little pain. It's just your body doing its job.

As far as the Pedialyte - maybe they just haven't restocked lately. Maybe the shipment was late. Maybe there's a bodybuilding show in town and a bunch of dehydrated athletes bought it up. You just never know. :)

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but that doesn't mean it is going to be a sickness that will cause the symptoms you fear so much. After getting yourself well fed, you may feel better by morning!

I hope the meditation does help you. Stick with it and keep practicing. I really do believe meditation can be a very healing thing.

As far as groceries - this is the opposite of what my counselor would say. She'd tell me to go to the store more often to face my fears. (She's been making me drive scary places. lol) BUT - you're already avoiding stores, it sounds like. What size of city are you in? I've heard of shopping for groceries online and having them delivered in metropolitan areas. My husband won't go to the grocery store often (like, 4 times a year), so we sometimes order things from Amazon that most people would get during errands - soap, etc. - that he'd like to select himself.

Friend, you have to eat. We like you a whole lot, you know?

It's going to be okay - your stomach will settle soon, I bet.

I'm new to the whole Greek yogurt thing, too. My mom has been hyping on me eating it, because apparently it's good for you if you're on lots of antibiotics.

My favorite that I found is Key Lime Pie. I can't remember the brand - it may be Muller. Or Chobani. Anyway, it's the ones in a square package with a little corner full of stuff to sprinkle in the yogurt. The yogurt itself in the Key Lime Pie is really tart and citrusy (which I LOVE) and the sprinkles are graham cracker and white chocolate chips. Not much - just enough to cut the tartness. The strawberry ones like that are really good, too.

Hey, gas and cramps are a good thing, that means stuff is moving down instead of up. lol! Seriously, though, you can't gross me out with symptoms - I've been chronically ill since childhood, so it's just whatever for me.

I get mine at Wal-Mart. Where I live, I drive over 20 miles to Wal-Mart. There are a few grocery stores in those towns, but they're small towns too. I prefer to do business with smaller companies, but the other grocery stores here gross me out. I'm not buying produce where I need to swat gnats. It's not really their fault - our climate is very conducive to that problem, but still... ewww.

Yeah, the unflavored greek yogurt does taste like sour cream. The last time I was on a diet (which will be happening again, soon) someone at my weight watchers meeting recommended using it as a healthier alternative to sour cream. I was shocked what a good substitute it was. But, if you're expecting it to taste like yogurt, yeah, that would be a bit shocking. lol

I would love to go to a meditation retreat! I've considered constructing a meditation space in my home. I had thought when I first went on leave that I would use this time for that - but, mostly, I've been sick or laying around depressed. I've accomplished zero in six weeks.