Completely paralyzed by a fear of cancer?

Hello, I just joined this site and have been reading through other posts.  They make me laugh, they make me cry, but it does help to read them.  I'm 34 and this year has been so terrible.  I never knew things could get like this.  I had my first really bad panic attack yesterday and it was horrible.  I have anxiety in general, but my fear of cancer is on a completely different level.  I envision my funeral, being sick from treatments, how my parents will handle it, and it all becomes very real.  It's become way to much to handle on a daily basis, I sit and stare and can't move when I get terrified sometimes.  I want to give up so badly.  I'm tired of crying, of being paralyzed with fear.  I don't take care of myself because I'm so overwhelmed.  I just started taking klonopan (sp?) and think it's helping.  I just want to be a normal person.  I just want to feel joy again.  Right now, I'm convinced I have ovarian cancer.  I had a kidney stone removed by surgery and was hoping that it would cure my constant urge to pee, but it hasn't.  Of course, I had to Google symptoms of ovarian cancer and read through testimonials about how others found out they had it.  This led to said panic attack that lasted a half hour.  Never had one that bad.  I have a checkup tomorrow and leading up to it, I am spiraling out of control with anxiety worries.  If it isn't ovarian cancer, I've decided it could be MS.  How does anyone live like this?  It's the opposite of living.  I've though I had about every kind of cancer there is.  It's an all-consuming obsession and I wish my mind would let go of it.  I'm sorry this is long and pleading, but I am at the end of my rope.  I have respect for all of you living with this, because I know it isn't easy. 

SC your not being a problem, we are all here for the same reason, we either need help or want to give
help, the key word is "Help". Mental Health has come a long way and has a long way to go, someday they will discover a genetic link and then we can get better help. There was a doctor in Chicago a long time ago who wrote several books on mental health one of his favorite suggestions was "make your muscles move". it seems that almost any kind of physical activity can distract us from thinking all the horrible scenarios that we seem to get into. Dealing with your immediate fears, I promise you that if you had the big "C" they would have discovered it when they were messing with your plumbing and kidney stone. Try this when you catch yourself dwelling on the fears, do anything that makes you use your muscles to accomplish it, even washing one dish, it requires our mind to at least think about what we are doing, this becomes a distraction, if you do it often enough you can break the morbid thoughts, you will gain a power over your PAD which will help when trying various forms of therapy. Peace

Larry ***

I understand the crying and worrying and obsession.  I suffer from health anxiety as well and I have done the Dr. Google thing way too many times to even count and had myself convinced I had some dreaded disease.  It is good that you are seeing someone and have gotten meds that should help.  As for the debilitating fear, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) will help with that.  It takes some time to learn but it has helped so many people here and I am in the process of re-learning to do it.  You will get thru this.  We are all hear for the same reasons, living with anxiety.  Go to the Resources and look at all the stuff there.  That kept me busy for hours this past weekend and found some very helpful stuff there.