So today, for most of the day after the morning cortisol surge subsided, I was doing better. I was able to forget about
the issue that has been causing me so much anxiety, or if not forget it at least push it somewhat into the background. Then, on my way home from work, the issue came into my head again -- front and center. I started replaying the events in my head, thinking what occurred, mistakes I made that I find inexcusable, and the potential bad consequences, etc... And now I am stressed & anxious again and now worried whether I will get sleep tonight, which I really need! Man, I am so tired of this...
On the bright side, I did make contact with a very well respected CBT specialist today, and will be able to see him in a couple of weeks, for a first session.
But these days I am not looking at life in "couple of week" increments, but instead day by day. Today was not such a bad day, but this evening isn't great....
I hope some day I can put this behind me. (And I hope you all can too).