Rough Day

I'm really frustrated today.  I don't get why my head continues to put these intrusive thoughts into my head time and time again.  It makes me feel like I want them there and I don't.  I hate them.  It tells me I'd be happier if I did what it thought, but it's not true.  I've tried fighting, agreeing, calmly thinking, distracting myself, I've just tried every strategy that has worked in the past and just nothing is working today. 

I just wish I could have this go away and not have my head say "wait, you should be worrying."  I know it's fake, I know the thoughts are just thoughts, but they get me so frustrated that they're still there.  I've had a lot of "good" days in a row and I guess I was due to have a bad one - which sucks that I feel like I have to be "due" to have a bad day. 

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I've decided to try medication again so maybe I'm a little nervous about that too.  What I hate is that I just don't understand why my mind puts these disturbing images in my head and twists it around and everything like it does.  I mean one minute I'm fine, the next I feel it creeping in, the next it consumes me and then the next minute I'm thinking "this is not an issue" like it's nothing and I feel okay - like yeah what was I worrying about?  It's just so incredibly frustrating. 

I don't know I guess I could just use some support today.

I know the feelings. I have so many bad days I wish I was due for a good one. I'm sure it's the fact that you been doing so well that a bad day has affected you so bad.

Journaling is a great relief. I would say relax but I know how difficult it is when you're having a bad day.

Just know you're not alone and we are here. Hope your day gets better!

JK, the bad days are the sole reason I used xanax as needed, no one needs anything on good days. Peace

LarrY ***

Your not going to be re-programmed, but be aware of the problems others have had, if you decide to go
through with this don't give it a half azzed try this med takes time, theyer are other choices especially if
someone needs to work, Peace

Larry ***

Try to stay in the moment for now. Mindfullness can be very helpful when experiencing anticipatory anxiety.

There are some good informational articles of this on the home page of HW, if you haven't checked it out already...I suggest it.:)

I use this mantra to get me through times when I am worrying about the future or a particular outcome that I really can't predict or control:

"It is not time to worry about that right now."

This allows my brain to move on from getting stuck in worry mode. It almost works like 'giving myself permisson' to let it go, since I can't do anything about this situation anyway! (sounds weird, but it works for me!)

Give it a try until your appointment time comes...and let us know how it all goes, okay?

S.C.

Long wait at the doctors which I handled pretty well but I went in and the doctor and I decided to start on 25mg of Zoloft.

After my little freak out earlier I felt a lot better. Many people on this board as well as my therapist have told me about mindfulness and I have decided to give it a try too. It's tough but at the same time not that bad and you start to see "hey these things aren't so scary!" I don't enjoy them at all, but when I let them run through like a leaf on a stream I can see that they are nothing. I saw an article that described them as a fire drill. The noise is there and it's annoying but I just have to ignore it and show it no fear.

It's all going to be alright.

All my best to you!

I struggle with intrusive thoughts too. Especially in the middle of the night. I try SC's mantra of it's not time to worry about this right now too. If I can't beat it I get out of bed and take 1/2 a xannax. Go back to bed with deep breaths. I try to remember a guided imagery thing I listened to about being on a beach- i usually fall asleep then and wake up feeling like- hey its not half as bad as I thought it was- I can handle this.

Hang in there!

Thanks for everyone's support! I can tell you how much I appreciate it! I gave up on researching a few weeks ago because some of the stuff I saw triggered me pretty hard, but one of the things that had been bothering me was just the thought of "why am I thinking this!? People shouldn't think this!" I came across an article yesterday by a therapist who does not have OCD and she listed all the "odd" thoughts she had one weekend. Many of them were things that I have at one time or another obsessed upon. People DO have weird, unpleasant thoughts, it's just I (and others with OCD) seem to fixate on them.

As far as my expirementing with mindfulness is going, sheesh. What a weird trip. Good weird though I'll say that much. I feel the thought coming in and immediately feel my knee-jerk reaction is to fight it, but I take a step back and let it drain. Wicked uncomfortable, but I try and show it no fear. The aftermath is my head telling me that I wasn't uncomfortable (that perennial doubt), but I know I was. I've never been an apathetic person, but I'm quickly figuring out apathy is a great way to fight these intrusive thoughts.