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is this really depression or another ocd thing ?

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Posted 12/4/2013 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
So I been writing about how my pure obcessional ocd makes me fear going crazy and harm someone. Well it also makes me fear anything that could go wrong like anything bad that could happen.I been having troubles going to sleep. IT really frustrates me because then in the morning i can't wake up :S!! its so annoying never in my life I had problems like this until I started to take anti depressants. I quit the lexapro about 6 weeks ago and I feel sad. Like depressed like I am slow , i don't have as much energy and sometimes I get heart palpitations in the morning. I hate this feeling never felt like this before :S!! and because I have harm ocd I fear hurting myself or like loosing my life. it is really scary because I love my life. I just want to feel good. I had panic attacks again! I am so annoyed. I am afraid to even accept i am depressed because as i said i fear it. Then this weekend i felt good so i decided to watch a scary movie "the conjuring " , yeah it gave me a lot of intrusive thoughts but i decided to watch it anyway. Right now I am sad and anxious , and I am so upset because I don't want to feel this way. ;(!!!!! What should I do :( ? if i go to my regular doctor he will only send more antidepressants. I made an appoint with a psychiatrist but its in like 2 weeks. I just pray with all my heart i just feel better I am so annoyed by this. Has anyone been here depressed ? maybe i am depressed but just a little bit? I know i said i would not look for reassurance but i think in this case is important because if i am depressed i should get help :/!
Posted 12/4/2013 8:23 AM (GMT 0)
I to am depressed. I hate it because it causes so much emotional distress for me. I am sure that will all that you are goong through you may feel depressed but I would say that you are more "blue". Depression is hard to overcome and it strikes whenever it wants, much like anxiety and panic. The thing that worries me though is the self harm. This can be a sign of depression but not always. You may need to be on meds for life and that's okay its not because we are weak or anything it is because we have a chemical imbalance in our brains. So if the phys doc wants to put you on a med, take it. I hope you find all the help that you need and deserve.
Posted 12/4/2013 3:46 PM (GMT 0)
Luna,

I suffer from more of a pure obsessional OCD as well and I too have gone through those horrifying harming obsessions. I remember THINKING that I was depressed or hated my life or something, but like you I kept reassuring myself that I loved my life and everything was great. It's kind of weird to think of it this way, but that mental reassurance is actually a form of compulsion so the key is to try and break those mental routines, just as you would with a physical compulsion.

Until you get in with the psychiatrist I suggest writing down your thoughts. Additionally something that I did was make a list of about ten things to think about when the intrusive thoughts start to attack and get louder. They ranged from things like my dog to just counting to my favorite foods, anything really that will get your head off the bad thoughts. Also just remind yourself that these thoughts are just thoughts and do not reflect your belifes, morals or you as a person. I definitely know it's way harder than it sounds and it takes a lot of hard work. I remember for me I went from being really afraid of the thoughts, to just co-existing with them and eventually they became weaker and weaker and faded away.

I can definitely relate with the scary movie thing too. I'm sure you know this, but being exposed to that certainly is going to make you spike, but it's good for you. Eventually you won't spike as much. Be positive and confident in yourself. It will get better!
Posted 12/4/2013 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
Here is a link to a great program! The site is easy to navigate, you can do as much or as little as you like at a time...and it helps to work through troublesome thoughts/negative thinking patterns...and could help you get through until your next p-doc appointment.

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome



We also have CBT worksheets in our Resources...with some specifically for OCD issues

Lots of help available!!:)

S.C.

Posted 12/4/2013 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you sometimes is confusing! and to S2S , I don't harm myself I am scared of harming myself but I don't want to. It is an OCD thing it makes me fear things that I don't want to do. Like a warning that I must do something about if not it will happen. I do everything regardless of what I fear but the anxiety is there it doesn't go :/! then I feel sad and tired about it then I get OCD thoughts about getting depressed. I don't think I want to go trough another anti depressant because it doesn't work for my ocd. They only give me side effects, like 4 months ago I went off anti depressants and I was fine no depression only the anxiety and ocd and now after giving up on the last antidepressant i feel so much worse! I have tons of sleeping problems never in my life i had sleeping problems like this until I took antidepressants :(

Thank you

Luna
Posted 12/5/2013 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
Luna, I have a feeling You are much younger than me, that doesn't prove anything but I didn't recognise the
name of the movie, when I was younger and a macho fool I thought watching every war movie was a cool
thing to do, so I drank more to calm down so I could screw up my mind more, you can follow the rest. Any
one who doesn't think watching violence or participating in war games does not tighten the mental screws
needs to go with me to a VA hospital like the one in Waco, or Kerrville, you might change your mind.
Our Military used War games to program our combat troops, does anyone think that is rec time?
I have mentioned this before I cant get through "Apocalyptic Now" because of the reality for me!

I will not argue the pro's and con's of these popular games, but if one was on a slippery mental sloape? Peace

Larry ***

Post Edited (lgm1942) : 12/4/2013 8:20:30 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/5/2013 5:39 AM (GMT 0)
I know what you mean I am not a fan at all of violence, I don't like weapons, I don't like zombie movies or anything like that maybe because of OCD or i just don't like that kind of things. I am actually 24 years old, and when I was young I liked to watch scary movies but since the ocd hit me i can't. Weirdly enough I study and watch a lot of war movies because because in college and I study a international relations and conflict. I have taken several classes on conflict, terrorism and genocide. I don't know why but that doesn't scare me, its very depressing but it doesn't scare me. If You are a veteran and of course it is not the same I can't even imagine what it is to actually be in a war, and I wouldn't like to know. I watched that movie because I feel like I have to get out of this comfort zone to conquer my ocd, I want to live my life normal. To be honest I am more scared of getting depressed right now than any other intrusive thought ghost or demon movies could give me. I think you are right if you watch so much violence at some point your brain gets used to it and it becomes normal! that is why people are so aggressive this days for example the black friday shoppers :S!

Luna
Posted 12/5/2013 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
Luna,

I went through the exact same thing about being scared of getting depressed. I WASN'T depressed, just afraid of becoming depressed. I'm 23 and I've actually gone through that particular OCD bout a couple times in my life, but I always find something that gets me going. When I was in high school and it hit, it was baseball season, when I was in college and it hit, it was (oddly enough) a huge paper on the Mau Mau Revolt that I had to write.

Truthfully, I didn't know I had OCD until about two months ago, but looking back I used my obsessive nature to my advantage. I found something positive or neutral to obsess about. Even now, I'm kind of going through relationship OCD and I'm starting to find myself just relaxing and being okay with everything. Instead of obsessing about these fake doubts, I'm finding more productive things to think about. I figure that I'm always going to be at least a little obsessive about stuff so I might as well use it for good.

Something will pull you out of your rut and it will when you least expect it. I certainly didn't think that 50 page paper I had to write would pull me out, but it was just the thing I needed. Try to stay positive and confident and I think you'll see it be okay.

I did want to say this too - I know you mentioned about not wanting to be on medicine. I was the exact same way, hell I don't like taking ibuprofen for a headache or even cough drops for that matter. A couple years ago I went on Paxil and it did help me a little, but I gained a lot of weight and had some other side effects that I dealt with. Eventually I decided I didn't want to deal with it and I got off it back in January and when this recent bout hit me I decided to go back on medicine, but I tried Zoloft. I've been on 50mg for about 2 weeks now and I have to say it's a small dose and it just takes that edge off a lot. I know you've said you tried medicines, but sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right one and it might be worth another shot. Like I said it just takes that edge away and I've seen it help me not take my thoughts too seriously. The way I look at it is if you have strep throat, you're going to take antibiotics to get better, well this is the same idea. Something is wrong in our heads so it's worth exploring. Either way though I'm confident you will be alright.
Posted 12/6/2013 7:22 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah Also right now I am at some point where I only have two parties and to be honest its boring. I am almost graduating,my fiancé is a med student he is out of town right now. I also have gone through a lot of things this year. I need something like you said get my mind of. I am writing a paper about metaphysics for a philosophy class it is about 20 pages. I need to get a full time job and also I am going to a psychiatrist next week I think I need someone that knows about this pills.

Thank you for answering and yes its very scary. I love my life so much, I don't want to be sad or anxious,I just want to be normal.I wish you to that you are peaceful and calm with that ugly ocd in control

Karen
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