Let me preface this by saying that I still am feeling better each day.
However, I can't seem to stop this mental checking that I'm doing. I'm putting myself in situations in my head to make sure I reject them. It's a form of compulsion I know and at first it was actually kind of good, but now I'm just ready to stop this all and be normal. I'll be feeling normal and then all of the sudden it's like my head says "wait wait....you still don't like this right?" Whereas before I would get all anxious and freak out a little, now I'm just think "Yeah! No kidding! I don't need to do this!" It's like they don't necessarily bother me anymore because I know they aren't issues - they're not realistic and I know I don't want them, but there are times when it starts to creep in and say, "this isn't bothering you because you want it."
The good thing is that almost everytime I start to kind of think deeper and fall into that backdoor spike I pull myself out quick. It's just annoying to keep feeling like I have to think that way and that I let it get to that point. I am beginning to stay a step ahead of the OCD and catch onto its tricks which is great, I just wish I could stop these mental checks I keep doing! I have to relax and be patient I know I can do it...I've been patient for a while I can do this.