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Constant tension-overwhelmed

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Posted 12/21/2013 11:52 AM (GMT 0)
Do you ever have so much going on in your life that you are constantly tense and overwhelmed?
I feel like I need to talk about it but I have no energy left to put it all into words. I feel like I am failing certain people in my life that need help but I don't feel up to giving it. I am blaming myself saying I can but just don't want to. I feel exhausted,
Posted 12/21/2013 12:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there....

That's the judge, inner critic, the voice inside that makes it all seem so tiring, useless, and draining...there's no reason to listen to it or even allow it to speak.

I've found that guided meditations as well as journaling and writing my thoughts, here on the forum too, have helped me to learn how to shut off the self-inflicted negativity.

The first step is realizing and identifying your inner critic. It's not actually representing reality because it talks from the past and talks about the future...ever notice how it doesn't talk about the present? That's because that voice can't exist in the present, so being present and involved in now purposefully is another way to limit all the self-doubt.

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Joshua
Posted 12/21/2013 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Doesn't talk about the present-that is some good food for thought because you are absolutely right!
Thank you Joshua for your insight and suggestions!

I hope I can do as you say and not allow my inner critic to speak. She wakes me in the night and berates me for all I'm not doing and erases my memories of all that I have done.
Posted 12/21/2013 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
Great advice from Joshua...

...all I can add is my understanding and encouragement.

You can only do for others, after you have taken care of yourself!

This is not selfishness...it is just fact.

You need to nuture and meet the needs that you have as a person (wife, mom, ect...) before you can even begin to extend outward towards others...otherwise, you end up feeling wrung out, like you described.

What do you need presently? That is worth exploring. Filling your self up will allow good things to flow out of you, and help those that you want and need to reach out to.;)

Your heart is in the right place...you just need to equip yourself with the things you need to complete the process and meet your goals!

XOXOXOXOXO Wishing you and yours a great holiday!!

S.C.
Posted 12/22/2013 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
Oh SC you always know exactly what to say!

hugs & kisses and all the best to you & yours this holiday season too!

If I awake tonight with anxiety and feelings that I'm a not a good person because I can't be the person someone expects me to be- I'm going to say- shut up you aren't allowed to speak! I'm going to remind myself that this issue has to wait until after the holidays because they are overwhelming enough for me. Then I'm going to try and think of some way to treat myself tomorrow in the midst of wrapping, cleaning, menu preparing etc. If I could sneak out for a pedicure.....
Posted 12/22/2013 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
RA, Joshua is a pretty sharp young man, along that line as SC suggested there was a book we were required
to read during the 60's in College. "Taking Care of number one". It was slanted toward business but the message was if we don't take care of us and provide for us, then when it's time to try and help someone
else we have nothing to offer. Care as tenderly for yourself as you would someone you Love if they were
left in your care, this life is so much more than we realize, we must learn to Love us also, Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 12/22/2013 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Larry. I have always struggled with that. I remember reading somewhere once that you should think about if what you are going thru was happening to a friend what advice would you give then? Would you think they are a terrible person?
I have to try to be my own friend. Thanks for reminding me!
Posted 12/22/2013 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
We definitely want you as a friend!! So take care of our buddy will ya? ;) ;) ;)

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 12/22/2013 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
In my therapist's office, she has this little plaquard posted up right where you can always see it while you're sitting in your chair:

It reads: "What would you say to a friend, who said to you, all the same thing you say to yourself?"

I thought it was pretty impressive, and quite to the point. We can say some hurtful things to ourselves when we're feeling down and inadequate,.....but would we keep a friend around, for real, who spoke to us in the same way?

I think it's another version of the same thing: Treat yourself well, take care of yourself first,....because if you don't, there's nothing left to give to other people.

It's a tough lesson, but it's so important: Taking care of ourselves first so we're in a strong enough place to (a) not let the petty things hurt us again, and (b) there's enough "left over" that we truly can care for someone else.

You will get so much support here, helping you to remind yourself of the importance of placing yourself first. It will make you an even stronger individual!




M.
Posted 12/23/2013 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks SC & Merrida.

Just got more distressing news that my cousins son committed suicide. How devastating at any time but during the holiday? It's not even fair at this point to say one thing after another because it is so much more for a mother that has lost her child- especially under these circumstances. I feel awful.
Posted 12/23/2013 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear this...what a tragedy!

Your cousin and whole family will be in our prayers.

S.C.
Posted 12/23/2013 3:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks much SC
Posted 12/23/2013 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
RA, I am sorry, especially for His Mother, "There are just no words
to describe this loss", May the Families find Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 12/23/2013 10:48 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you Larry.
As a mother myself-it's too scary to even begin to think what my cousin feels like and will have to go through to regain peace in her life. To lose a child to death by illness or accident is unbearable but by suicide is absolutely heart wrenching. You must feel like-Why didn't I see? What didn't I do ?
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