Posted 12/23/2013 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Ive been sleep just about all day after church&just got up and something isn't well
with me at all,I kept dreaming the same dream about someone I don't even know on a personal level. A sad dream and I went to this person house and sit with the family&was in tears with the family,Ive had this dream many times before about people&they have came true rather soon or years later. And sometimes I go on and forget the dream until it happen,and have deja vu like Ive been there before and I fall a victim to how come.
Years ago I had a dream about a childhood friend that I hadn't saw since pre-school it wasn't a happy dream,and I woke up&all day I was wondering why this person I hadn't saw in years was in my dreams. And not to long after I think a year later just about he was gone,I don't understand it&it cause me to go up&down with God because I can't understand why I see these things&Ive ask God to take it away&still I have these dreams. Ive had other dreams and I wonder why am I able to see pain¬ enough good,Iam not strong enough for this I mean I fight to keep some peace in my mind when Iam up. And then when Iam sleep Iam seeing pain and hurt&lost,I just don't get it&I become so angry,this all goes back to my big fear and I wonder what God is trying to tell me. They wouldn't be so bad if pain wasn't in them so much,my grandmother once said I have a gift to see things&into the future
hell I'll rather see the numbers that will win millions then pain,and what the world will come to. I also think how messed up my childhood has made me when it come to what I was taught about God&how this&that is wrong&will carry you to hell if you don't get it right. Like makeup they say is wrong,ear-rings,women wearing men clothing,cursing,dancing,r&b music,and alot of other things that Iam starting to see has cause me to fear in not a good way. Iam half thankful for some of the teaching because at 28 I can say Ive never been to jail,hurt anybody are anything extra bad for that Iam thankful. But Iam seeing now something are just crazy because I see God as a God that don't look at all that,but the soul and how clean the soul is but how do I undo all this how do I learn to live with seeing things¬ let the dreams scare the living day lights out of me&cause even more fear.
I just don't know I do know Iam searching&praying and seeking&hope soon that it brings the answers,that I need to have a better more peaceful&less fearful life of things and enjoy life more better like I deserve to.