Posted 12/27/2013 8:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone,
I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday. I haven't been on this in about two weeks or so and I've been doing well. Every day is progress. When I look at everything I can honesty say that I am happy, but I've been paranoid too. I've been on Zoloft 50mg for about a month now and it's helped me a lot I'd say. The obsessions are still there, but much much quieter and less threatening - as in I know they aren't real. However, the issue I am having now is I'm just frustrated. I keep doing my mental compulsions and I cannot stop. I don't know how to think normally still. I know I'm getting closer to being able to and I've been able to let myself go a lot more, but it's still very frustrating. I do think we are going to up the medicine when I go back to the doctors in a couple weeks so maybe that will help.
I guess I just get scared that it's all going to come back. I felt safe worrying and obsessing before even though I hated it. Now that I'm not really obsessing 24/7 like I was before, it's like my head is scared. I just feel like I always need that little thing on my mind to feed on, but it's time where I'm done with it. I don't want it, but I need it. It's like I'm weening off of it and I guess I just didn't think it would take this long. I've got to be patient with this and continue my positive attitude and confidence. I mean a "bad" day or moment now would honestly be the best day (or part of the day) a couple months ago. Progress is progress no matter what the speed and I have to remember that.