How best to help my son

Hello everyone. My 20 year old son who has Aspergers's recently told me last summer that he has social anxiety and he needs help. He had gone away to school last year and didn't tell me until July that there were days when he didn't go to the cafeteria to get food because there were people in the common area of his dorm and he couldn't face them.

He switched to a local community college so he could continue to live at home this year and I got him to see a therapist for the 8 visits that my employee assistance program provides. Now that those are over I asked him if he wanted to continue to see her or if he'd prefer to see a therapist that specialized in autism. He has opted to switch.

He doesn't want to try medication right now and has been trying to eat better (whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies, no processed foods) and to get more regular sleep.

So, my question is, other than getting him in to see a therapist who can help him with both his anxiety and his Asperger's what else would you recommend? I don't have any experience with clinical anxiety so I'm not really sure what might help him. Has anyone here found natural ways to help themselves? Are there good reasons for me to push medication? In your own experiences as a young adult what would've been the best thing for your parents to do to help and what would've been the worst?

Joy

Namian, welcome!

...and I agree, your son is blessed to have such a caring mom...just as I am sure he has blessed your life.:)

We do have a member here who deals with similar circumstances as your son...so I will give him a shout, and see if he could be of help to you.

I think that being in therapy is going to prove very helpful to your son! He will learn many good coping skills, and how to manage the anxiety when it comes up...like in the example you gave concerning school.

We also have some good ideas for anxiety management in our Resources here. (main page, 1st post) Take a look and see if anything looks helpful, or of interest to him.

Wishing you both the best. Keep posting.;)

Scaredy Cat

Hi Joy

Good to meet you and welcome to the forum I agree with both Larry and SC re your son being so lucky to have you in his life that is so important that you have a good support network surrounding you.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 36 so quite late in that sense but was pleased as it made sense of everything and was also good for my parents to find out as they always thought something was wrong. What happened with me was that because I did not know what was wrong I always felt different and not able to mix with people socially without really bad social anxiety. As I grow up I dealt with the traits of Aspergers in my own way which was basically avoidence of social situations and anything that made me feel anxious. As I got older the traits seemed to become less but my mental health was getting worse as I was getting depressed about being anxious all the time. There is a lot more to my story but I don't want to go into it here is it would take up to much space but please feel free to ask me anything.

In short I released I needed to address my anxiety and went to speak with my doctor who referred me to my local mental health team where I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD and Depression. I was seeing a psychiatrist and a clinical phycologist and did some talking therapy called Cognitive Analytical Therapy which I found really helpful and may be something for your son to look into? It focused a lot on when I was a child and how things were for me then and it was through discussing the issues I had as a kid that the diagnosis of Aspergers was given. I have also done one on one therapy, Cognitive behaviour Therapy and actually due to start some group Cognitive behaviour Therapy next week which I'm feeling a little anxious about but feel it will be very beneficial, These are all good ways of finding out better ways of dealing with anxiety and finding out what triggers your anxiety which I suppose for your son will be the same as me and be social settings. One other thing I found very helpful and which I would recommend for your son is doing some Mindfulness I put some information up here a while back you should be able to search for it and see what's involved.

The main ways that Aspergers still affects me is that I have to be extremely routined I need to know exactly what I will be doing on a monthly basis and if something changes with my routine I get very anxious I also still struggle in social settings but making big progress with that so there is hope were that is concerned and the other thing is I find romantic relationships very confusing hence I am signal but that is something I am working on. There are some common misconseptions regarding Aspergers like not being able to hold eye contact and having no empathy, I did find eye contact difficult but released it was more an anxious thing than Aspergers related and as I have dealt with my anxiety it has improved a lot to were it is not a problem. With regards to having no empathy I actually have to opposite and have to much empathy which is good and bad good in that it has made me a very caring person but bad because it has made me very sensitive to my surroundings. I don't see having Aspergers as a disability I look on it as a positive in that it made me who I am today.

My advice to you and your son would be first let him know that things will get better and life can be good yes we do have our up's and downs or melt downs as it's known in the Aspie world but try and stay in the moment and take each day as it comes. You are making the right steps in getting him to speak with a therapist regarding his anxiety and it would be worth while you looking into the above mentioned therapies. I hope this has helped you a little? And as I said feel free to ask me any questions any time I am here to help.

With regards to medication that really is a personal choice. I take a lot of medication and have found that it works for me personally but it not for every one you will see a list of my medication below in my signature. There is no specific medication for Aspergers so the medication if for my anxiety & depression etc etc.


Take Care

Hibee