OCD Intrusive Thoughts

I'm a type 1 diabetic who had stopped taking her insulin for about two years - surprised I made it that long, let alone two days. I had replaced insulin injection with exercise, assuming that if I took both, my blood sugar would drop constantly. Not the case. Anyway, I began taking it again this past July after receiving from my doctor the "you're slowly but surely killing yourself" speech. My anxiety then went through the roof like never before, either due to a chemical imbalance within my body because of the insulin or possibly just at the thoughts of gaining weight - I'm an extreme health freak and a natural side effect of insulin is weight gain. I was 6'0" and about 122 lbs when starting to inject insulin regularly once again, and am now around 139... safe to say my stress levels are highers than ever.

A few days after beginning my insulin again, though, I woke up in the middle of the night and had an intrusive thought and it completely paralyzed me. For the next few months. Every thought I'd have, I would relate it in some way to that, torturing me day in and day out. I couldn't listen to certain songs, because I would relate the lyrics. I can't watch one of my favorite shows, Criminal Minds, anymore because of the violence. I can't stand to watch or hear violence. I'd have racing thoughts and crying spells in my college classes and on the train to/from there. I hardly feel safe in my own home anymore and I hate being alone - something I used to prefer. I've prayed and hoped to no end that Jesus would just end the torture.

Another intrusive thoughts began about a month to two months ago, this one just completely disgusting and the COMPLETE opposite of me. I feel uncomfortable around a certain type of person now because I don't want to have any of my actions relate to theirs due to the thought. Since the beginning of November, I'm on 10mg Lexapro and attend weekly therapy sessions, and while both helped for about the first two weeks, it's as if it's worn off already. For my first two weeks on the medication, I was told to start off with 5 mg, which is when it already seemed to be working wonders, yet the thoughts returned as I upped my dosage to the 10 mg that I was told to. It's as if my anxiety tortures my mind and myself with the MOST bizarre and off thoughts from my actual self.

Someone PLEASE give any advice as to what helped them if the same problem has troubled anyone else this tremendously.
Edit: I remove a few phrases but the content of your post remains intact. Thank you for your understanding.

Post Edited (mfarley01) : 1/12/2014 1:18:05 PM (GMT-7)

Hi mfarley and welcome.

I am sorry to read of your health and anxiety issues. We do care and understand, so know htat you are not alone.

Kitt has given you excellent advice, so I will just add a couple of things that I was thinking about while reading your post.

My husband is Type 1 diabetic. Type 1's can not manage their disease without insulin. As you may know, the beta cells of the pancreas cease to fuction with type 1D. This is different from low insulin levels, or insulin resistance in type 2. You can not control this with diet and exercise alone.

My husband has actually lost weight since getting his BGL's under control.  (he came to Type 1 late in life, at age 39!!)

With a healthy diet, exercise and his insulin (24 hr Lantus and Humalog bolus as needed) he is much trimmer than before his diagnoses.

Please make sure that you are getting all of the help that you need, both mentally and physically! We want you to feel your best and be well.;)

Check in with our Healing Well Diabetes Forum as well if you have not done so already.

Peace and wellness,

Scaredy Cat