Posted 1/14/2014 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone!
To start off, I'm 14, and I have pure obsession OCD, emetephobia, and panic disorder. about 3 weeks ago, I started on 20mg of Zoloft- which turned out to be the worst decision I (and my family) have ever made, by the second day of taking it I was experiencing crying fits, depression, depersonalization, irritability, loss of interest, racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts (which I have NEVER experienced, and I mean NEVER), and increased anxiety, and depression- all of which I never have had a history of. I've never wanted to die before (I have a fear of dying and intrusive fears about doing harm to myself!) nor have I ever felt depressed, but this medicine flipped my life upside down. I basically spent my whole Christmas break in bed, I didn't see any of my friends or do anything fun- all because I felt so horrendous due to the Zoloft. I told my parents about all the symptoms I was experiencing, and much to our dismay, my doctor encouraged us to stay on the medication, and she claimed that 20mg should not be giving me these side effects, despite the fact that I KNEW something felt really wrong, I felt as if I had no control- also one of my biggest fears. She upped the dose to 40mg and I had extreme diarrhea, nausea, and insomnia. Throughout my whole time on the medication, I loss 12 pounds due to a loss of appetite and I rarely slept, and when I did, the sleep was interrupted- I've never had these issues. We went back down to 20mg and I couldn't take it anymore, so we made the decision as a family to call my doctor and try to get off the medication. She finally allowed me to go cold turkey (as she said 20mg is so low that I won't experience withdrawal). I stopped taking the medication on Friday, but I'm still experiencing major depression and uncontrollable crying spells. I'm so overwhelmed and terrified, I'd prefer having my anxiety and panic attacks back over how I feel now. My parents have been going to great lengths to really help me out, as I haven't been able to go to school (even thinking about it makes me cringe- I normally don't mind school that much and I make it fun for myself, plus I'm a high honors student so this is strange for me) so now I'm getting a 504 plan as I've been missing a lot of class, but I can't even bring myself to make up the work. I'm both acting and thinking out of character and it's literally horrendous. I'm headed to see a very good CBT/OCD specialist in about an hour, but I don't even want to leave the house. I'm scared that I'll get admitted to a mental hospital, someone help please? I've never felt so depressed and overwhelmed in my life. I've cried more these past 3 weeks than I normally do in a year. I keep getting these fits of hopelessness where I fell like no one or nothing can help me. Anxiety runs strongly in my family but depression does not, so I'm really hoping this is temporary. I'm taking Vitamin D as I got a blood test and I have very low Vitamin D levels (14/60) which may lead to some of my seasonal affective anxiety (yes, just like seasonal affective disorder, but I get heightened anxiety instead of depression). I'm having a super hard time dealing with my emotions and I've never felt as emotional as this, between the new found depression, hopelessness, and irritability. I am normally a kind, optimistic, happy go lucky person who loves going out and doing things, but this is the exact opposite. My grades are dropping, I never see my friends anymore, I'm not optimistic and I have no motivation.. any advice? Is this a breakdown? Or is this still the Zoloft that's not out of my system? (On a side more, it's Rey possible that I didn't even need an SSRI in the first place since I don't have depression, so my anxiety may likely be genetic opposed to a chemical imbalance. My aunt who also suffers from anxiety took Zoloft and she quit after a week of having the same symptoms as I did on only 12.5mg- could it be that a bad reaction to these medications is also genetic?) I feel like my life is ending, I have barely left the house in the past 3 weeks- I miss being able to do fun things, see my friends, and wake up and be genuinely happy like I used to be.