What A Wuss I Am! :(

I feel so stupid about this, but just can't seem to help myself despite it! We stopped subscribing to the newspaper to save money. My Mom really enjoyed the daily Jumble puzzles. So I went online and found 2 books of jumbles. I just KNEW she'd LOVE them! Not only could she do the jumbles, but they had pictures hidden that you search for after you solve the scrambled words and she used to love to do that. So it had 3 parts: unscramble the words, solve the puzzle and find the hidden pictures. To top it off, it is in color and is large and easy to see the print. One of the books came today (I ordered from 2 different sellers) and I laid it on her bookcase and told her that she had a gift in there. I got in the shower and in a few minutes, she came in and tells me very apologetically that she appreciates the thought and it was so sweet of me, but she really doesn't think she'd care for it b/c it's so big and has so many pages that it makes her feel overwhelmed and she used to like picture searches, but hasn't cared for that in a while...than she apologized again (yes, she was sincere) and told me hated to tell me and almost didn't but thought I should know, b/c I've always told her that if I get her anything she don't want, to be honest and it's fine (true).
for some reason though, this hurt my feelings so extra badly that I cried. I tried not to let her hear it in my voice, but I failed. She then said she'd keep it, that she'd warred with herself about even saying anything at all.
For me, it was just that I had felt so good b/c I had thought that I had really hit the jackpot with this gift and then to be told right away that it wasn't her cup of tea, well, it just hit me hard. I felt so deflated...
After I got out of the shower, I let on like all was fine and she said that she may eat her words and end up enjoying it afterall. If I had my way, I'd throw it in the trash. Now I despise it that I bought it and the one that is coming. I feel like a loser and wish I could just hit myself in the head with a brick. I try to do good and it blew up in my face and I'm mad and hurt and I shouldn't be so emotional about it but I am. So stupid!
jl

Thats like me buying flowers for my wife for no good reason,
Wife said "who's your new girlfriend".

Kinda deflates the old ego!

Heck no i didnt tell her!

Thanks to all of you! I think that it just hit me extra hard b/c I was feeling sort of happy abot thinking she'd like it after having been feeling down about other things...then BAM! she didn't like it! :(
It was like disappointment upon disappointment. And like I had admitted before, my nieces are so happy, going forward in their young lives, being in love and it sounds down in me what all I've missed in life and where I am and will remain...oh well, so it is.
anyway, as it turned out, when I got up today, what did I find, but that my Mom was busy working on the puzzle book, seeming to enjoy it. I don't think it was an act either. Time will tell.
Still, Soul, Larry, and SC, you were all sweet to give me those encouraging thoughts and as ever, it means a lot to me! Thanks a million!
HUGS!
janet

lgm1942 said...
Your one of those people I wish I lived near, you sound like a Hoot to be around, go look in the mirror
and Wink! Peace

Larry ***

LOL! Larry, I guess it sounds self-serving and immodest, but it has always been my way to make people laugh if at all possible!
Making people laugh and/or smile makes me feel good and if I feel like I can't use my sense of humor around someone, then I am at a loss as to how to behave! I get terribly uncomfortable! My dad had a terrific sense of humor and he and I were so much alike in what we found funny!
Once, a friend and I were at the Dollar Tree and she was busy writing out a check to pay for her purchases. As I stood to the side of her, I looked down and said in a very serious voice, filled with concern, "Glenda, I hope THIS check doesn't bounce!" And then I gave the cashier a quick glance with a serious expression on my face. Glenda looks back at me with a look of surprise and the cashier looks like she don't know what she should do or say and then me and Glenda start cracking up and I tell the cashier that we're just being silly and I like to joke with Glenda! If you could've seen Glenda's face! She turned red, but couldn't help but bust out laughing too! Yeppers, I like to kid, but never in a cruel way and I'm real quick to make sure all know I'm joking. Don't want anyone getting too uncomfy or too embarrassed overall!
Take care and thx!
janet