I already went for a walk earlier today. It helped, right up until the moment I got home again.
I am currently calm, not happy, not better, but not sobbing and writhing in agony anymore.
I've tried coping with panic attacks on my own, or having my boyfriend or even mother there to just sit with me and hold my hand. However, if somebody says the wrong thing while I'm still in the middle of the attack, (ie, just calm down, there's no need to panic - or my new favourite, You're not getting better and these pills aren't working (as if I wasn't already fully aware)) I either panic worse or I just gasp and say STOP really loudly. It's very hard to calmly ask somebody to stop saying what they're saying when you're having a panic attack.
So the people around me feel snapped at and unappreciated. Which, in turn, makes me feel worse. That's the basic situation I've been living through today. Anxious and edgy for no reason evolves into a panic attack, which I try to cope with by myself, breathing, lying in a still dark place. There's no quiet place I can go, sadly.
When my boyfriend found me he said This is every day now, these pills aren't working - and of course my heart started to race faster and I begged him to stop. Of course while I'm sobbing and gasping for breath, to him, it sounds like I'm shouting at him. So he gets frustrated, saying at least he's not in denial, he's realistic, he's just trying to help, etc.
He said there's obviously nothing he can do that I'll appreciate or that I won't be offended by. That, too, made me feel worse,and it is utterly untrue. about
half an hour later I tried to tell him that - saying these things doesn't help while I'm having an attack. I was still having the panic attack at this time. He told me not to yell at him. He ended up leaving the room in frustration, and I once again fell into the old routine - crying, gasping, sobbing, crying out in frustration.
I have tried and failed - more than just today - to explain to people that saying certain things is not going to help me calm down and leave the panic attack behind. They will make me feel worse. But all people ever hear is me being unappreciative and/or yelling at them.
I don't want to be afraid to talk to my loved ones when I need somebody to talk to during these attacks. But I am.
EDIT: I am trying to get myself better. The breathing exercises help to some extent. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. But all I ever hear from people is something along the lines of You're not better. People look past me into the future when I'm not like this. Seeing how much it affects the people I love doesn't help the anxiety, either.
Post Edited (kcconcarne) : 1/15/2014 8:09:21 PM (GMT-7)