Needing Help This Time Bad Day For Sure...

today turned out to be quite rough...I got up feeling pretty good and did okay until the afternoon. I started feeling anxious and took some taurine which did help. Mom and I went to Winn Dixie and by the time we got back home my nerves were on high drive again. My niece and her fiance came over so he could meet mom for the first time. all went well, but I was having a hard time with my anxiety. I popped out in a sweat and had to fan myself like mad! They never knew just how anxious and upset I was b/c I acted pleasant and carried on conversation the whole time. My sister was here to by the way. at one point, I thought i was going to have to excuse myself and go break down and cry my eyes out from the sheer stress of the anxiety eating me up. But I held on. after they finally left, I kept it together for about 5 minutes and cried. I told mom I was having a very hard time. she told me that all would be okay and to take some more taurine. I did so and also took a 1mg of klonopin from 4/12. It took over an hour for it to take full effect, but it did help. I've felt some better since, but I think that it is time for me to go and see my shrink and not the nurse practitioner. I am on 60mg of paxil and 60mg of buspar a day and am still getting this bad anxiety spilling over all the sudden for the past week now. Perhaps the paxil is pooping out, as I've been on it for 8 years now... I don't know. I get so freaked out by the panic/anxiety that I want to cry and cry non-stop. That is why I say that for me, I feel that those many many months/couple of years I dealt with extreme panic has left me with PTSD. The very idea of going through it again scares me so bad that I just want to shut down, but I can't allow myself to do that.
I feel sickish right now. I had to take some ibuprofen for a headache from lack of sleep and tension.
I plan to call the mental health clinic Monday. I just hope that I can get in to see the doctor soon.
also, my kava kava is supposed to get her by mail on Monday. I will take it in a heartbeat if I feel that I have to! I won't feel this terror needlessly, no matter what!
Any words of encouragement/advice are very much wanted my kindred spirits! Thanks for being here!
janet

Thanks, Mindy. I just felt like it would be awful to mess up my niece's day like that by going to pieces in front of her fiance, the very first time she gets to introduce him to my mom! That's been a bit of a problem actually....mom doesn't like to have people over and wasn't too thrilled at first about my niece getting married. But thankfully, it all worked out. She likes the young man (he is a sweetheart) and my niece left floating on cloud nine. I couldn't have taken that away from her!
My mom has not always been so supportive and it is still hard for her. she gets worried and it tends to make her sound somewhat terse when she asks me how I'm doing....which can make me more nervous. BUT she is trying.
As to the kava, I will not tell the doctor about it. It is my go-to of last resort. If he won't help me, then I have to try something. In the past, I have taken kava and know to be careful. If I am given klonopin and it does its job, I won't need to take the kava.
Thanks for replying. I wonder where everyone else is?
janet

Thank you, HB. I appreciate it very much!
jl

JL,

I am so sorry to hear that the anxiety has ramped up.:(

I do think that it is a great move to see your P-doc, and evaluate your current situation, goals and treatment plan. It very well could be time to tweak things around.

Good job on getting those appointments set up. I have no doubt that you can and will do everything to help yourself feel better very soon.

Until then, use your coping skills, and know that we are cheering you on, and here to support you always!!

XOXOXOXO

S.C.

Hi, Sadphantom,
i am happy to say that the effexor I was prescribed seems to be helping me! :)
I thank you so much for your very kind words...they mean a lot! I hope that you will keep coming to HW b/c the folks here are so supportive and really do care!
May I ask what issues you are dealing with right now? are you on medication? That is, if you feel comfortable to share right now.
I wish you well!
hugs!
janet

Janet,

Some days I feel like I am going to fall to pieces so I found this site and thought I would give it a shot. My depression and anxiety is slowly (about 13 years thus far)...just snuffing out my flame. (I use metaphors because it helps me describe how I feel). I haven't been able to truly get a good nights sleep for years, I worry relentlessly...until paralysis almost.

I don't have a means of seeking support in my life right now, due to my job and confidentiality/treatment concerns. I take about 5-10 mgs of Ambien to sleep and that has the only thing I am prescribed.