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I feel so embarrased

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Posted 2/8/2014 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
I did something very stupid today and I feel so embarrased. Like people is making fun of my poor intlectual level to analize things or two write an intelligent opinion about a topic. :(


I have always hidden those opinions about important things because I feel laughable and so embarrased that someone will come and will say: that what you said is so stupid.


And today it happened. I liked a page on Facebook about books. Today I wrote a comment about something. The group is closed (like private), so I knew my contacts were not going to see the comment, but I didn't know two of my friends were in that group, too. They are two very smart guys, I talk to them a lot, I ask for adiveces and they are very nice people. And today, they saw that comment and liked it. And I felt all of this, I felt so stupid, I felt they liked it because I was being very naive or because my try of acting smart was more sweet, or it was laughable and they liked to let me know it was.


I know it's not a big thing, but it is for me. Now I'm trying to remember everything I said of the page or what I've said on the other groups I'm suscribed in, and I feel awful. I feel observed now and I don't want to say anything on those groups. I've always felt this way and I've always had that fear that people will know how poor I am intelectually. I also know that when I let come out something of my thinking, I'm giving the others to know me a little bit more, and I don't want them to feel I'm so naive or so not smart.

And when I try knowing everyone is there, I feel like a poor try of stand out. It's horrible.


I feel exposed.


Please, don't tell me this is foolish :( I closed Facebook and I'm not on the phone. I want to feel safe and closed.

Post Edited (WaningMoon) : 2/7/2014 6:27:36 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/8/2014 1:54 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Waning,
The thing is, we can't read other people's minds and to assume that they are thinking we are "stupid" or any other negative attitude about us is actually being unfair to them. The kind thing to do is to give them the benefit of the doubt. It seems to me that you have very low self-esteem and so you believe that everyone thinks the worst of you, when it's actually not so. Believe me, if there's an expert on low self-esteem, it is me! I grew up knowing that I was born to a beautiful mother and that my younger sister was "the pretty one". It wasn't b/c my family said so, it was just seeing what I saw. I was the kid always last to be picked for a team at P.E. and on the bus, I was one of the ones that some of the kids acted like it was the end of the world to have to sit next to. Not so my sister. She was athletic and had boys liking her. She exuded the attitude that said "mess with me and you'll be sorry" and I must've sent out signals that said "pick on me and have a ball!" Anyway, in high school, I at least had the knowledge that I was smarter than most of the ones mocking me and such. I still have very low self-esteem right down to this day, but I refuse to let what those people did to me all those years ago take away what I DO KNOW and that is that I am reasonably smart, have common sense, care about others, and have true friends. And that's something to feel good about! So please take stock of yourself and give yourself credit for those qualities that you surely have that are positive!
Those ones you mentioned that "liked" your comments probably did so b/c they did like them and also wanted to acknowledge your presence! They wanted you to know that they were glad you were there and wanted you to be sure to feel included in the group most likely! So please don't feel bad at them and especially do not feel bad at yourself! Withdrawing from life is never the answer. I know that I'm fighting this anxiety real hard. I don't want to become a hermit hiding away from everyone b/c I may come across like a crazy person if I break down in public with a panic attack or burst out crying!
So you and me, we're going to keep on fighting our battles and we will win them one day at a time or maybe even one minute at a time. But you are a genuine person, not a "fake". That's a good thing right there! :)
HUGS!
jl
Posted 2/8/2014 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Well gg, Janetlee pretty well summed it up! I have read almost
every post you have ever written, your not a pumped up pre- Madonna but I can't think of a time you ever said anything unkind, mean, or arrogant, I do remember a lot of compassionate comments nice things, in all I think you are a
pretty classy Lady. Did I say Tall and wow! Love

Larry ***
Posted 2/8/2014 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
ditto janet & Igm!
Posted 2/8/2014 2:49 AM (GMT 0)
Waning,
Everyone has their own particular talents! I would love to be able to paint a portrait of my nieces and play the piano! I'd like to be able to look in the mirror and see a pretty face looking back at me!
In school, I was fairly smart, but not smart in those classes considered really HARD! Like chemistry and calculus. I was barely making a "C" in algebra! I hated it that I wasn't good in science either! But I did pretty good in history and English.
There are more important things in life than being analytical and such. Do you ever watch Jeopardy!? I thought I was pretty bright until I started watching that show, but I'm good at Wheel of Fortune!
Being willing to listen to others that are analytical and such will stoke THEIR egos! They'll love it! Ask them questions, such as "Why do you feel that way?" When analyzing stories, there's not necessarily a "wrong" or "right" answer. Everyone interprets things in their own way.
Again, you need to look deeper at yourself to find the positive qualities you have and not beat yourself up over the things you may not be able to do. It also may be that in time, you will learn to be more analytical. but no matter what, just be yourself. Being true to yourself is being "real" and not "fake".
We here at HW like YOU!
jl
Posted 2/8/2014 2:56 AM (GMT 0)
Moon,

You're not alone! Every time any of us post something online or speak openly with other people, we're all taking a chance, and we're all exposing ourselves. Those of us already trying our best to cope with anxiety may be even more sensitive to these feelings, but rest assured, everyone has feelings of being exposed.

You are not fake, you are not false, and we see it here. You are being genuine, and we all care for you, just the way you are,...as well as how you choose to be! :)



M.
Posted 2/8/2014 5:34 AM (GMT 0)
WM.,

How many languages do you speak? I speak one....

...and I know that I could never express myself the way that you do in something other than my native tongue!

So to think that you are not intellectual is selling yourself way too short.

Even if you are not as well read as some of the people that you know...that is not the measure of intelligence. That just speaks to how many books one has read. It is not indicative of I.Q. :)

I understand how you feel however, so it is okay to stay off of your social media for awhile...just make sure that you don't close yourself off forever. I am sure that you would be missed!

Talk to you soon,

S.C.
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