Posted 3/13/2014 4:55 AM (GMT 0)
I said I wouldn't post here for a while but I feel the need to post& try to clear my mind a little, will see how well that works a few things I must be held accountable for& I don't know what else to do& fighting everyday to keep what sainty I have left I have so much anger in me& feel like Iam standing alone& that I have nobody, no one understand my pain and my fears no one at all from sun up to sun down the evil one plays games with my mind& cause thoughts to pop in my head I should be in the hospital seeking more help for. But I refuse to be last night like to night all night I suffered through a attack that was trying to breakthrough all day, my will for peace on earth is what keep me& keeping me. I hate hate this I hate these meds that cause more problems that I don't need, I hate the feeling I get when I think my head about to blow up because it be in that much pain. I hate losing sleep at night over this, because Iam scared Iam dying of some terrible disease I hate missing out on life because I allow anxiety to hold me hostage and crippled me 15 years ago I should've put a stop to this years ago.
So much more easier said then done& Iam trying so hard to understand life cycle& why so many like me suffer with the same evil fear, we live and we journey on why is this so hard to except? I mean just writing it makes me emotional Ive seen people with much money make this same statement, and more& more everyday you can see the reminder and it's like what the heck. I mean the bible says God hasnt given us the spirit of fear, so what the heck I don't desire to have this are split mood swings like up one day& out of no where down the next. I don't desire this I want to be happy again, many years of happy with peace I don't want to just hear it will get better. I want to see it happen Iam a good person I have flaws but we all do I would give my last to help a stranger more worse off then me, and Ive and do alot to help people I just desire the good will I put out freely to be return because I need it& this has to get better already.