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I wish I had someone to hold me. :'( :'(

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Posted 4/4/2014 11:56 AM (GMT 0)
It started off with pain levels reaching to the point of anxiety. Then no matter how hard I've tried making my rabbit happy, he still just bites me really aggressively. Then my phone shut down & wouldn't turn back on. Then my internet shut down on me. Then it all turned into a full blown panic attack, started hyperventalating so much that I am now light headed.

Then I started thinking about how many posts I've put & thought "you all must think I'm just some crazy lady....:'( Then I started thinking about how I'm not very liked that much. For some reason ever since I was young, like 1 st grade young the kids would like me until they got to know me then they wanted nothing to do with me. My teachers wrote notes to my mom, who is now deceased. (I was 15 when I lost her) I thought about all the rejected foster homes and abuse I'd been through.

I started thinking about all the pain I'm still in & how it's been going on 4 or 5 days of non stop excruciating pain. I thought about how ill I feel daily. All my medical problems. How I feel like a freak. :'( Then I thought to myself "I am MISERABLY UNHAPPY" I hate my life right now. The kitchen sink/dishwasher/plumbing doesn't work in my house & I have to do all the dishes in the bathroom. I can't afford all the dr visits to get the care I need. The endo and rhuemy gave up on me. They act hesitant when telling me my test results. Will say somethings high, I ask what then they hesitantly go no-no-nothing.

I thought about how every night I think "Lord, I really don't want to wake up" But the thing is I want to be happy, I want to have a happy fullfilled life. But I just can't. Then I started crying un controllably, whole body shaking, hyper ventalating, holding myself, hating who I am. I just don't want to be here! My birth mom was a total junkie, died when I was 2 & there's been so many times I wished she would have not had me so I would have never known how awful my life would be. I just realy need some comfort..... shakehead
Posted 4/4/2014 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Jennie,

This is one place to start. Right here, in a safe environment, getting your feelings and anxieties out in a concrete way. We have a very good family relationship going here in the forum, and you'll find a lot of very compassionate people.

I hope that as you get more familiar with our members and their histories & quests, you may give yourself some permission to relax a little....to know you are not alone.

Taking some bite sized chunks of what feels out of control, and trying to focus on managing one thing at a time is a place to start.

I had a toxic childhood that still gives me the willies if I think about it, so in some regards,....believe me girl, I'm right there by your side, holding your hand. No child should have to go through any of that. Unfortunately, some of us do. We can't un-do that, so dwelling on it just aggravates the situation, and our anxiety....

Coping skills are the best place to start. Accepting what's going on in the moment, and working on small tasks....

Things do get better. They really do! :)






M.
Posted 4/4/2014 1:09 PM (GMT 0)
Jennie89

I am sorry your feeling so sad - I don't think you are a crazy lady; sometimes we get stuck in the what-if zone with our thinking and pretty soon it feels to us like every thing  good is happening to other people and nothing good is happening to us.  We react by trying to think of how we can snap our fingers and make our life wonderful right now.

 

Much of what you feel bad about are the same things that happen day in and day our and I do understand you as I feel frustrated and sad when the small things break, my internet is not working or my check engine light in my car pops on ETC,  but know each of us goes through these daily things that are just part of life.

You have more things going wrong than most and I truly am sorry but know you have us to talk too. Don't ever be embarrassed talking to us here, no one will ever judge you! Your not a burden.  Your not well and need help to get better.

You must look for a therapist and find one that takes reduced rates for hardship situations if at all possible.

Otherwise use many of the tools in our resources - one is the free CBT therapy and I will list the link here for you.  Yes the past may make us feel sad to remember but the important think is to live in today.................dwelling in the past will make you miserable.

Free on-line CBT programs:

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

 

Posted 4/4/2014 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jennie and welcome to the A/P.,

Great advice above...I will just add my understanding and support.

We all have days when our thinking tend towards the negative...and everything seems sad or hopeless.

However, if we hold on, seek help, reach out...we find that our perspective and circumstances can change!

Please hold on, and keep talking with us if you find it helpful. Also trying the on-line therapy and seeking a therapist who works on a sliding income scale as Kitt suggested is a good priority to make for yourself!

We are glad you have joined us. :) Thoughts and prayers!

Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/4/2014 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
I wish you lived next door to me , so I could hold your
Hand and we could walk through this together
You are not alone , its like one day something inside
You just snap and your not the same ,like your alone
And all the what ifs come up , and its scary , as kitt said
Everyone around you is doing great and its like you just wanna snap
And have a good life , trust me I'm where you are and while all this was going on my son was DX was leukemia , so trust me you are not alone
My son is well and alive so I'm greatful , I'm just trying to get my life back in order and its not easy .... Stay strong I'm praying for you .....
Posted 4/5/2014 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
dear jennie, i m really sorry that you are so unhappy. i am not an expert on anything, but we did used to have rabbits. ours wee female, and became quite agressive as they got older. i notice that yours is a male, and i found a web site that may give you some helpful tips on how to help your rabbit. i know its only a small thing, but at least it would be one thing less for you to need to worry about, and you could get comfort from your pet, rather than pain! the web site is www.therabbithouse.com/behaviour/problem i hope this helps, and that you will be comforted in other ways through other friends who answer your post, and through the love of God. i am praying for you, blessings
Posted 4/5/2014 4:49 AM (GMT 0)
Jennie, Right Here you will find real friends that will last a life
time, they will not judge you, they will be compassionate and
caring, in short they will go as far as it takes to prove you are
our Sister and that you are loved and cared for:Peace!

Larry ***
Posted 4/5/2014 5:56 AM (GMT 0)
Aw, wow, you guys, thank you for your kind hearted words. They really made my heart feel warm. I kind of teared up, especially when "sickofitall21" said they wished they lived next door to hold my hand and we could walk through this together. That was really sweet of you. You all are so nice and made me feel a little better. Thank you. Thank you mindymaggie for the web link to help me with my rabbit. His previous owner claims he was so loving with them. But she is an adult & said she got him from school, he was the class pet and every week a classmate would take him home. When she brought him back he was depressed so the teacher said she could have him if her mom paid $20 for him. It just doesn't add up she said shes had him a little under a year. So idk what's up with that.
Posted 4/5/2014 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Larry, didn't notice your post earlier, that's odd. Glad I saw it now though. That would be really cool to feel like your guys sister. Family is important
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