I have a another problem

This vacation I was thinking about inviting my sister to my house, she has never come and maybe she would like it. But I dind't want to do it at the same time because I know my mom and when my sister told her, she was going to start making plans to say who has to come and she wouldn't care about anything.

So I cuold told my sister that I wanted it to come just her (in my mind I was already thinking what my mom was going to say: why? your niece wants to go, why are you so mean?baling me for that just when she can bring my niece anytime and she just doesn't do it, last time I went home she told me with a tone like she wanted me to feel compassion for her like: your niece wans to go, she says she wants to go to your house?

yes , my niece wanted to come but I can't travel 12 hours for her and then take her back, while she CAN do it but she doesn't, and when I see her she just wants to make me feel guilty), and she said: "oh it's ok, I'll tell you next week, my mom said he wanted to go lol" and I don't want my mom to come.

When I got here I was alone, I had no idea of anything, and she just didn't come, a friend was going to be here so it made it easy for her, I don't even think she was going to give me support or anything, but she didn't even try and said: oh ok yout friend is there, then I'm not going.

I've been here three years and she has never come, if I don't phone her, she doesn't do it, and now she wants to come, she's a hypocrite.

Now everything is fine, she doesn't see my anxiety attacks, she doesn't see me crying , i don't hurt myself anymore, I dont feel as miserable as when I lived with her, so now she doesn't have to deal with that and now she thinks we can be frtiends and she wants to visit me, I dno't want her here.

I hated that I had to look for another way to come out of that hole because she doesn't even think she hurt me, now that I'm ok, (and not thanks to her) now everything is easy and now she wants to be the mom. I hate it. If my nniece and nephew werent at home I wouldnt even visit them.

Edit:  I broke your post into paragraphs for easier reading.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 4/5/2014 9:00:46 AM (GMT-6)

WM,

I understand about needing to take a break from your therapist as I have had one in particular that did not listen to me and every time I left her office I was angry and upset that she was soooooooooooooooo  hell-bent on trying to make appointments for me ahead of time.  I like to call in when I have my calendar in front of me so I can see my whole schedule.

She would try to get me to walk over to scheduling to make 3 appointments ahead as "the appointments are going fast!"  I even talked directly to her and she said she understood but sure enough at the end of the session she had me in the hallway doing her usually "lets get you booked". That was the last straw - I walked out the back door and drove home.

Finding a therapist that you can have a trust relationship with is very important for you as "trust  is a big issue you have anxiety about.  Don't give up on finding the right therapist.

Now - your Mother - do like you are doing with your therapist and take a break from your Mother, try not to think about her, as it just upsets you.  You cannot change her, you can only change yourself.

Nobody should have to act the way someone else expects them too.  Your Mother should be the one person that you can share how your feeling and even if she doesn't understand she should be there for you.

You and I both missed out on having Mother's that were warm and fuzzy but we are far from alone. There are many people in the same place you and I are. 

My stepmother was a good person, but she had serious problems of her own and to top it off she was an alcoholic so she did not have the capacity to show love and tenderness toward me.

My birth Mother died when I was 22 months old in a car crash.  My Psychiatrist has told me I was a daughter without a Mother.  That made me feel sad but, after talking with my Pdoc, I understand my stepmother better now than I did when she was alive.

This is where you start doing things to make you feel confident and secure.  Only you can make the decisions on what will work for you.

Kindly,

Kitt