confused on how to move forward - larry, kitt, scaredy, merrida and others pls chime in..

Hello friends,

Its been a while since I've posted my own topic, though have been reading and replying to other friends posts. I guess it is because i haven't been busy living a new life, finding a rhythm and defining the new me. For those who do not know last year I separated from my wife of 19 yrs.

Through this I have found a good way to improve and have my own relationship with my kids which makes me really happy that the separation has been relatively easy for them and at the same time my bond with them seems stronger now that when we were still married.

Where I am having some challenge, which is I think causing me some anxiety is moving forward and how to move forward. Since beginning of this year I have started seeing someone on an exclusive basis but not a full on relationship (not ready for it yet). Recently, we decided to just remain friends as our states of readiness were not the same and resentment was beginning to set it. She is also Bi-polar so I feel like I have to be extra careful with her because i dont want her to get into a depression state which in turn makes me unnatural in how I deal with her somehow. I think this is the right decision though i do miss her.

I am also thinking that after being with 1 girl for 19 yrs, that it is best for me to date around first and not be in a rush to be in a relationship first. have fun first so to speak. Towards this end I have began making myself available for dates.

As for my ex-wife. As crooked and dysfunctional as our relationship was, there are days when i still miss her and wonder if we could work things out. These thoughts immediately evaporate when I see the traits in her which led me to separation. Sorry (or not I dont know) to say the traits have just gotten amplified this past year.

I have been getting anxious lately about all this. I could use some words from you my friends. Thanks a ton!

good move on taking the relationship with your new friend slow. with your previous relationship i fully hear you. obviously plenty of good days. i am glad that the transition was smooth for the kids. my mantra on the forums and in life is 'slow and steady wins the race'. not long ago i made a comeback to the anxiety / panic forum. i am mainly on depression and bi-polar forums. i have rapid cycling bi-polar disorder. with good management and effective treatment it can be managed a lot better. for me therapy and having good coping skills helps. i have met my partner 2 years ago, she is in another country and she lives with depression. but we support one another. i guess i was lucky in finding the one, but it did take awhile. i too wish you well. take it one day at a time. hi by the way. see ya soon.

thanks friends for your support and understanding :) HAPPY TURTLE my lady friend is diagnosed as bipolar type II. how does this differ from yours?

I'm not so sure that my reply will be met with much favor, but I am honest, so I'll be honest here, too.

If what I share bothers you or offends, please forgive me. I'm merely trying to offer up some other thoughts.

When one is separated, one is still, officially, married. Until that paper comes through that you are divorced, I'm of the opinion that,--especially when children are involved,--exposing them, especially, to anyone "new" is not a good place to go.

From the date of the divorce, not the separation, one year un-attached is needed. You need to see what YOU are like, just for you! Not how you are or feel you need to be for or with another person. But get to know yourself. Experience holidays alone, birthdays, anniversaries, good and bad days,... You need to see what you are made of, what's within you.

Heck, maybe you've even changed in some wonderful ways, and you're not giving yourself time to explore the new depths of what makes you -- YOU! :)

I see it too often where people swing from limb to limb, so to speak, and always have someone there, or in the wings, or as back up, and they never truly know what it's like to be alone, be by themselves, and care for themselves first. This makes a stronger you,....for your own wellness, and also to share with another.

I personally would suggest spending a year (post divorce date), making friends and working on your 'self' would be a healthy choice.

Just my little ole $0.02.









M.

Hello Grover,
Happy to find a kababayan here in healingwell. I've been in GERD forum for a while because it's my main issue, but I also visit here as my anxiety appeared when I first experienced my symptoms.

Glad your relationship with your kids is doing well! And I understand you, it's really hard here in the Philippines when it comes to separation. My parents are also separated, until now they don't settle for an annulment because it's so expensive. :(

I also had a friend, her sister is bipolar because of childhood trauma. But controlled with maintenance meds..

Hope your relationship with your kids and exwife will get fine soon! I mean whether you get back together again or not, but what important is you get to have a peace of mind!
God bless! :)

Post Edited (angelcat) : 5/31/2014 8:04:18 PM (GMT-6)