My heart is torn apart

Hey everyone just needed to share and get some comfort from friends.. I know some of you have heard me talk about my English mastiff Agro.. I have had him since he was 8 weeks old. Around 3 1/2 he started having seizures.. Sometimes he had a few and then none again for a bit. Of course he was on phenobarbital and the doses had been increased over time to the maximum. He just turned 8 on August10 and sadly had to be put down on August 12... He had 6 seizures in 24hrs and never quite came out of them fully..he was not acting right and in a lot of pain.. He had fallen hard with one of the seizures and at 200 lbs was not good on his body.. We did more blood work and his kidneys were not good from over 4 years of the phenobarbital. I have been sick over this literally and my heart is being ripped out daily as I miss him immensely.. He was so loyal and caring and a great companion to us all.. He was in pain and suffering from the years and years of medicine.. 8 years Is a good life for a mastiff and he was happy but had a hard life with the seizures.. The vet was gonna add another medicine but at his age it would mess with his kidneys and organs even more.. Thank you for letting me share this with you all.. I am so stressed and sick to my stomach with this huge void in my heart and home.. However he is no longer suffering and won't have to deal with another seizure that could have been even worse.. However I want to be selfish and have him still..

Hi Paddi. I have 3 dogs that mean the world to me and I'm a vet student. I know the pain you are experiencing right now. They are part of our family and we love them so much. I'm so sorry that you lost your beloved Agro. Thinking of you and sending hugs and comfort. It is never an easy decision to make, but from the sounds of it you made the right one.

many healings i send. agro is always with you. and you him. buttons and i send our love. she has seizures as well.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I know my animals are a great comfort to me and I would also be at loss if I lost any one of them. Hugs.

Dear Paddi,
I am so sorry for your loss as well! My beloved cockatiel, Peeper, died suddenly while I was gone on an errand, on Sept. 2 of last year. When I got home, my Mom was not acting right and as soon as I found out what was wrong, I went to the floor in tears!!! I'm crying as I write this because there's not a day that I do not miss my baby. I had him for about 16 years. I hate it for you so bad, because I know how hurtful it is to lose a beloved pet. All they ask for is love. I do have my memories that no one can take away and I know that I gave him a good life that so many birds do not have. Please remember that your dear Agro had a lot of love and care from you and you will have sweet memories always!
HUGS!
janet

Thank you all so much. I needed to get it out to others than family. Some of my family/friends think I should not put him under, and let nature take its course..He had seizures for 4 years and it just took it's toll..but I still feel really guilty, yet I know he is in peace. Yes oh my gosh, I love animals too much, and I really sometimes wish I didn't have a big heart..that way it couldn't hurt as bad..I have other animals yet, a little chihuahua, a parrot, and 4 rescued cats. But each one is different, and they all have different personalities and I love them all. Again, thank you all, and I know time will help heal it..but the stress is getting to me..

Thanks Michele,

I know it is just way to new right now, and I know he doesn't have to suffer, but no it doesn't make it any easier. I'm sorry for your loss also. And all my other friends on here, that have been in the same situation as us. The bad thing is I knew when I got him, that they grow quicker, and that also means they age quicker. Their bones are more fragile, and they get hip dysplasia easily too. Thank you for your kind words..

Weary,
He hadn't been the same at all. But the day the vet was coming out he managed to get up on the bed. He hasn't gotten on the bed in years, because his joint/etc. That really made me second guess. I had prayed and prayed that God would let him go in his sleep too. The vet came here, because there was no way I could get him in the car, at his size. I gave him a steak for his birthday and the day of I gave him extra stuff, but I had a hard time looking into his eyes. Looking into his eyes, I always swore I could see his soul. That dog was so human I swear and such a loving caring soul. Sorry for your loss as well.

Paddi,

first off I'm so sorry for your loss. Recently, we had in a one month span, had to put down both of our shih-tzu's that we've had for over 15 years each. We have no kids and I can't begin to tell you all the holes in our hearts. It's been 3 months and we both still tear up or break down at times thinking about how much we miss them and the joy they brought to our lives. People with out dogs will always shrug it off: "ah they lived a long time or hey they were dogs" Losing them has been maybe the hardest thing I have ever gone through ever. I pray for you and anyone else that loses their beloved family member and best friends.

KJ

Of course you know why! This is losing a member of close family. For people like us who are animal-folk, the grieving is the same. I know some people don't get it and take a rather callous or dismissive attitude.

They're more than just a pet, they're family. You have a right to grieve and a need to. It's okay and even healthy not to stuff it down and try to put on a mask. You're a real person with a big heart and real feelings.

Our last dog, the one I was mentioning where I waited 2 weeks too long, the vet came to the house too. (We still use the same vet, she's amazing). But there was no way I could get a 124lb dog into the car, he couldn't walk, wouldn't eat or drink,... if I gave him a little piece of food he'd vomit. He couldn't move at all.

When the vet came, I said my goodbyes, waited for him to give me a little kiss, and because I'm too weak to handle these things, I took a long walk and Hubby stayed with the vet during all this. He and the vet loaded him into her car, and she had him cremated for us. We still have his ashes. (As we do of 2 of our dogs).

It's okay to grieve. Give yourself permission. There's a whole lotta love going on here!










M.

The Rainbow Bridge


'There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass.

When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent; her eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.'

I am so sorry for your loss!!! We lost our beloved puggle last year to cancer. He was 8 years old like your Agro. Know that he is pain free now and someday you will be together again! Hugs!