Hi everyone,
As some of you know, i struggled with anxiety disorder (severe health anxiety in particular) since Jan'14 due to a stressful event at work that nearly landed me in a lawsuit! Since then, i've been paranoid and also because i lost my job, so i became a little depressed too. I had bouts of panic attacks that started from 'heart attacks' and then some other diseases and then these few months, OCD thinking of the 'C' word. I keep thinking i dont feel well, i keep thinking i might have some problems etc. The anxiety went full blown that i was feel so overwhelmed by the thoughts. It was hellish. I couldnt control my thoughts, i couldnt control my mind. I felt i am going crazy and i felt suicidal for awhile. It was torturous and consuming my life because i kept thinking what will happen to me, its a vicious cycle that got more vicious each time. I wasted my life worrying and worrying, i neglected my two young kids, my marriage on the rocks, i lost all my friends, I lost my job. I have NOBODY to turn to, even my husband gave me the worst support that jus makes me feel even worst. I am alone handling myself. Docs gave me anti-anxiety pills which numbs my brains and some even said im alittle of mid-life crisis. (im 35)
My health anxiety was so bad that even in my dreams, i keep thinking of the 'C' word. I just couldnt shake it off my mind and it makes me very depressed. Just like 'THE PINK ELEPANT" theory. People tell you such thoughts are BAD and DON'T THINK OF IT but you just keep thinking of it and it drives you crazy. If there is an award for hypocondria, i would be the champion. Seriously, even when im out shopping, riding a rollar coaster, even when im sleeping, my mind is just the 'C' word. I think its a fearful disease because my mom died from it, i was only 16 and i had my first panic attack then. But nowadays, with more information being fed from all social media, you get to be more aware and wary of all these. And that feeds the health anxiety.
I was thinking, hey with all these stress would it make me sick? So its a vicious cycle.
But lately, i wanna share with you, i am practising a mediation and yoga that seems to make me good. I'm feeling better each day. Its called "Meditation of Greater Illumination" and you can follow it thru on youtube. I hope it works for you, and i hope by sharing, i could help some ppl along the way. Anxiety sucks and having extreme health anxiety is the worst kind.
Post Edited (fireworks) : 8/27/2014 4:54:18 AM (GMT-6)