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Depression from caregiver burn out.

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Posted 8/28/2014 3:56 PM (GMT 0)
I have cared for my very disabled son for almost 30 yrs. I love him dearly and would never put him in an nursing home. I don't have any family support except for my husband of course. I can't get respite care because since I'm his full time caregiver I get paid to care for him instead of someone else. Two years ago I asked my sister who has very healthy teenagers, if she would watch my son one night a month and that I would pay her, so that my husband and I could go out. She yelled at me and told me she has a lot on her plate and no. Meanwhile that summer, what did she do all summer, baby sat for other people. It really hurt me, still does. But I get very depressed sometimes and drained. My son also is very nasty to me sometimes and it makes it really hard. My husband is a work a holic and not always home. Sorry for the rant, it just makes me feel better to get it out. rolleyes
Posted 8/28/2014 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi D.S.

You get a world of respect and empathy from me. I can imagine how it would exhaust even the most super of 'Super-Moms' to do what you do....everyday!

You are pretty amazing, and I know that everyone here...and all that know you agree.

I am sorry that you don't get the support that you need.:( That saddens me to hear of your sister's reaction. I would certainly feel hurt as well.

At our church we have respite events for families with disabled children. I know your son is an adult....but I would be willing to bet that if you found a church that offered this...that they would not discriminate for age.

The organization is through Joni's kids I believe.

Would you like me to look up the site, so you can check for a local church/organization that might host an event?

Again...you are a ROCKSTAR my friend...I send you much encouragement and support.

S.C.
Posted 8/28/2014 5:31 PM (GMT 0)
Deborah, I have been where you are now its draining at the least, I have only this little
piece of advice. Always take the high ground, you will never regretted it. Also venting here
with friends is good for you and us. Prayers and Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 8/28/2014 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
You guys bring tears to my eyes, thankyou. Yes I would like that church info, thanks.
Posted 8/28/2014 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Awe....! So sorry to hear what you're going through. My oldest son has autism, so I know (at least a little bit) of what emotions you're dealing with. Mine is 14, and it is exhausting, draining, and depressing for me quite often. He doesn't recognize emotions and so he will say things that are extremely hurtful without realizing it or thinking twice about it. It helps when I tell myself, "it's the disability." But it still hurts none the less. My son often refuses to go places and will non-verbally sit and not move from his position if he is scared or nervous or simply doesn't want to participate. It can be so frustrating, especially if I am in a time crunch. I remember times when I had to wait 3 hours before he would move or respond.

What sort of things are you going through with your son? Speaking of church, I'll say a prayer for you! Can you pray for my situation too?!
Posted 8/28/2014 7:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hats off to you! You really *are* a Super-Mom. That's a lot to be on YOUR plate. I, too, am sorry that your sister responded the way she did.

I'm not going to excuse her behaviour, just offer up that sometimes people react that way when they, themselves, feel scared or overwhelmed (of the very stuff YOU do every single day!!) It's not always personal, even though I know there seems like no other way to take it.

Can you call an agency or perhaps a neighbour to sit for you? I think it's sooooo important, not to mention very healthy, for you hubby to get some quality time and a break from stress. There's nothing bad or wrong, and that does not reflect on you as a mother.

It's called "being human!"











M.
Posted 8/28/2014 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
Deborah, is your son involved in any area programs for emotionally disable adults? What's his function level? I ask bc I used to work at a workshop for disabled adults. If a parent has asked me to care for their adult child on occasion, I'd have done it!

If he's not involved in any programs, you might call 211 and ask for services for disabled adults them call them and ask if they know of any resources to get you caregiver for your son on occasions. There is also a website called care.com that you could see if there are any adult sitters/respite care ppl looking for paid jobs.

Hugs Deborah, you need and deserve a break.

Lisa
Posted 8/28/2014 8:55 PM (GMT 0)
You deserve a gold medal Deborah. It's not easy to be a caregiver without support. I've been there myself. But my story is nothing compared to what you have endured for 30 years. You are my hero.

It's ironic...how people like you in need of real support has never asked for much. And there are those who surround themselves with love and support from family and friends but can never be happy.

You can rant anytime. You need it and we are here for you. I hope you find help so you can spend some quality time with your hubby.
Posted 8/28/2014 11:07 PM (GMT 0)
Here is the general site for Joni and friends...this is the best I can do for now from my phone...

http://www.joniandfriends.org/jackson/events/

...though you should be able to find a respite event through this link. (I hope)

If not, let me know, and I will further research on my PC. :)

S.C.
Posted 8/28/2014 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry...I can't seem to make this an active link from my phone...

I won't be home until late tonight...so you can copy and paste it, or I will re-post it tomorrow for you.

S.C.
Posted 8/29/2014 12:45 PM (GMT 0)
My son goes to an adult program for the disabled 4 days a week for 4 hrs. So that gives me alittle time, but it's early and I spend most of it taking a nap, lol. My husband was diagnosed with MS, 23 yrs ago and he is still going strong, so the Lord is there for us. And thanks for all your kind responses :-)
Posted 8/29/2014 5:07 PM (GMT 0)
Here is that link!



http://www.joniandfriends.org/

You will need to look specifically or contact them to see where any repite events are held locally in your area.:)

S.C.

Posted 8/30/2014 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
Deborah,
You certainly have a cross to bear. May God give you the strength and endurance you need to carry this cross. He obviously chose you because He knew you could do it. But with not His help. Meditate on His ways.

As for your sister.... we are not all cut from the same cloth. I understand your hurt that she cares for other children but not yours. She may not be as strong as you. She may not be able to handle what your son's disabilities require- that doesn't make her bad-just different. I'm sure it is not a personal rebuke of you & your family. Try and make your peace. At the same time I feel your pain.

All my best,

Weary
Posted 8/30/2014 2:17 AM (GMT 0)
I so feel your pain, it is very tough dealing with a child with a disability, I can't imagine your sister not helping you, but my sister wouldn't either.

My son has a rare neurological condition called Opsoclonus Myoclonus Syndrome, and he is autistic. He is high functioning and is a miracle even by his doctors recognition.

But the years working a full time job, being at the hospital for weeks at a time, his father in prison, it took its toll on me, my mom would watch him while I worked but it even got to her, she would call me crying at work telling me she didn't know how much longer she could watch him.

I give you great respect for keeping your son, I was told my son would need to be Institutionalized by the age of 12, he is now 15, and has some residual affects from his illness, and has social issues, but he is a true nut, I am sitting by him why he is on his x-box and he just jokes the entire time.(runs in the family), he is a blessing.

I hope you can get some much need time to yourself.
Posted 8/30/2014 8:27 AM (GMT 0)
Deborah... you are a FANTASTIC mom! You shouldn't care about how others behave and react. It's just the rude way, they are. Even though it's your sister. I am feeling really sorry for that.

Of course, you need some private time with your husband and some fresh air. I hope you really find someone who will help you sometimes.

You are amazing and you deserve all the respect ever! <3
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