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alcoholism ......how do you deal

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Posted 9/18/2014 12:11 PM (GMT 0)
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry

hi everyone on top of everything i been through with my anxiety and all .... i meet someone about 8months ago and he was a great help to me , reading books with me , praying , etc .... now he did tell me about his pass and everything he went through and i understood because of what im going through .....

so last weekend i felt something was wrong with him and bam i went to his apartment and he was passed out drunk ....i never went through anything like this .....

all weekend he was drunk and passed out he missed work , i called his mother and we had a long talk and she told me that he was back drinking again and begin telling me about his past etc ...

she even went to his apartment and he had the oven on and his windows was wide open he was not his self ......

long story short .... he went through it all weekend ... now he sober and he feels guilty telling me he sorry etc ..... cry cry cry cry

as if i need another stressor .........

so he called me last night ,and told me the guy in his apartment building was found dead he hung himself his girlfriend found him dead ....and guess what he too was a drinker ...... smhair


i dont know if i should just walk away or still be friends .....
Posted 9/18/2014 12:21 PM (GMT 0)
Wow sorry to hear you are going through this, and that he is struggling with this and what happened.

As a recovering alcoholic, I understand that some time people use alcohol to self medicate or to just escape what ever they are trying to escape, not sure if he is an alcoholic or just a once in a while drinker, if this is a pattern of his to binge and then become sober, I know people that can socially drink and maintain their life, I am not one of them.

Dealing with alcoholics(not saying that he is, because I don't know)can be a roller coaster ride, sometimes we find any reason to drink, we had a bad day or whatever is our trigger.

I'm sure he needs a friend, but if it making your life miserable sometimes we just have to let them know how much we care, but we can't allow their addiction to become our addiction(if he is addicted, I can't tell by your post).

Whatever insight his mother gave you should give you a good idea if he has been struggling with this, or if this was just an occurrence.

I hope you can sort through this and do what you need to do to have peace.
Posted 9/18/2014 12:39 PM (GMT 0)
Yes he is an alcoholic he been doing good for the last year ....
He was a state police for 8 years lost that job due to alcoholic he has 3 DUI ....and lic is suspended in one state for 10 years ...
So yes its been on and off for years he is 45 years old ......
His mom said she been dealing with this with him since he was 17yrs old
Posted 9/18/2014 12:47 PM (GMT 0)
Oh okay, I hope you don't think I was prying, just as a recovering alcoholic and alcoholism seems to run rampant on my Dad's side of the family, I understand it far too well.

I have been sober for 4 years in October, and have never picked up once since the day I quit. The closest I came to even contemplating a drink was a couple weeks ago, when all seemed lost. I did reason with myself on how very terrible my life was when I drank, and drinking was only a temporary solution to a problem, which would only make things worse for me.

Relapse is a real thing, and I am just hoping that he will one day just get sick of the drinking and himself, that's at least what it took for me, when I no longer could look at myself in the mirror, and had to wake up with that guilt every day, and look at my children and wonder what was I doing to them, I just quit.
Posted 9/18/2014 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.
My father was an alcoholic, and got treated successfully after he had his delirium tremens withdrawal. He survived it and then he said "I was reborn and now I am going to shape up".

I think maybe you can talk to him and convince him to have a treatment/therapy in a rehab center? Relapse is always possible in alcoholism but success is also a very high chance. I know it's a stress factor for you but then you will be helping him. Of course, in my opinion, it's a very hard case. If you are comfortable being around him and if he is sort of helping you to feel better, then you can help him also :)
Good luck and I hope everything turns out well <3
Posted 9/18/2014 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
SOIA,

Good advice above...

I think that you can be a friend/supporter from a safe distance.  You have a lot of things to consider in taking care of yourself and your family first and foremost.

He needs to ultimately seek help for himself, as no one else can do it for him...no matter how good their intentions.

You will want to encourage him to get into treatment/AA, while not becoming co-dependent in the situation.

I wish your friend the best.

S.C.
Posted 9/18/2014 4:48 PM (GMT 0)
Brendaboo.,

I just wanted to say thank-you for your openess in sharing your experiences...and congratulations on your sobriety!!

I lost my dad to alcoholism, so I understand just how difficult the work you did to gain recovery was...well done to you.

It makes me so happy to hear of postive stories such as your own. May you continue to have strength in your journey!!

With thoughts and prayers, :)

S.C.
Posted 9/18/2014 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone .... thanks brendaboo yes ... I'm so happy you was able to get clean
Posted 9/18/2014 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Scaredy Cat and Sickofitall, and I am so sorry SC to hear of your loss that is truly very sad. If my father would not have turned his life around I would have lost him to this beast as well, I remember driving in the car with him and he would have a 5th of vodka under the seat at all times.

My father has been sober for many many years, and turned his life over to God and is doing very well even though he is in his 70's, he has had some issues recently with what the doctor believe is the early stages of Alzheimers, they did give him some sort of test and he did not do well, but if I have to listen to the same story 100 times I will, I just never want him to forget who we are.
Posted 9/18/2014 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
Walk away. As fast as you can, my dear. And do not look back.



M.
Posted 9/19/2014 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
thanks m..... yes i have too.... i will be his friend but only from a distance ....
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