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Marriage issue? Or just anxiety...

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Posted 10/2/2014 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
My hubby got a new job working for DHS and I'm soo so proud of him!!! He is a security guard for a mental health treatment & detention facility. But anyways. He's worked there for a couple months now but he recently went to second shift which is 2pm-11pm ... and I know that there are other female security guards that work with him. I have always been such a jealous person.. but like, he will go on these 1 hour lunch breaks and he tells me he "sits in his car or takes a nap" ...in the back of my head I'm like freaking out thinking he's with someone else. And have you ever had a feeling like you just KNEW? They say a woman should always trust her intuition ...or however that saying goes. But he technically has not done anything that has made me think he is cheating. Ahhh, I know it sounds so bad because I should just trust my husband but we just have had a few issues in the past. I don't really say anything to him though. Just starting to think its my anxiety making up these crazy ideas in my head. :(
Posted 10/2/2014 7:26 AM (GMT 0)
Sometimes intuition is another word for being paranoid.

If you trust your husband, show him by just letting this totally slide. He comes home to you at night, he gives you no reason....you can't eliminate him speaking with other women all together. So instead, if he brings about it, ask about her (POLITELY and watch the tone of your voice). Be friendly.

I used to be the same way. It serves no purpose. If anything it can drive a wedge between spouses.

Trust the evidence, as you said: he hasn't done anything to indicate he's cheating. So please, for both your sakes, let it go. If you're worried, instead of 'being' worried try building up the fires at home and at all costs avoid nagging, and questioning and supiscious behavious and questions....

People live up to our expectations of them. Learn to trust and you'll get that back in return!! Worked for me. Hopefully it can work for you too! :)





M.
Posted 10/2/2014 10:49 AM (GMT 0)
There's a golden rule out there about if you treat a person like they're a cheater and the only thing missing is the cheating part.... they have nothing to lose when they go out and prove you were right.

Find a good shrink to help you get over this...
Posted 10/2/2014 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
MasonsMommy-

I empathize with ya, as I have had to live with my own jealousy/trust issues for quite some time now. I've been through a lot of counseling to try and change my mindset about these deep seeded issues. As for a woman trusting her intuition, I kind of disagree in this case. If it were about where to find the best shopping deals, or where to get the best nail polish, ya, I think we can trust our instincts/intuition there.

But when it comes to trusting our husbands, something that our instincts are already "off" with due to our jealousy/trust issues, it's probably not a good idea trust any intuition there. I don't see anything wrong with letting him know how you feel though (something nice like, I am scared I might lose you. or I am having a hard time with this new job situation), but definitely don't impose the idea that he is the problem into the situation. He may try to console you or give you more comfort in the situation. That's in his hands though.
Posted 10/2/2014 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
...add me to the list...

My husband travels internationally...and he just went, to all places...Amsterdam!

My mom immediately asked him upon his return if he had been to see the 'Red Light' district!! I was like..."MOM!!!!"

...it was just an innocent question...but it had been a small worry in the back of my mind anyways...arrrgggghh!!

Also, he went out to dinner with a female contact while traveling...just the two of them. I was not thrilled...but it was business...and I have to make the conscious CHOICE to trust him.

He has given me no reason not to, so I must make that effort to put aside my worries.

Great advice above...It is good to let these feelings out here in a safe place, and know that you are understood, right?

Positive thoughts!

S.C.
Posted 10/2/2014 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
My Hubby also travels a lot, and just like S.C. I get asked all kinds of funky questions from people as well.

Push comes to shove, (and let me assure you it has taken me, taken US, YEARS to get through this for me/us to be here),....the trust is there, and this just is not a subject worth taking up our energy and time together.

Learning to trust and conveying to that person that you trust them (I'm assuming you genuinely do?)....it goes a long way. We got a lot stronger once I started believing in him and trusting him....and letting him (gently, not overtly) know....

Sometimes it's what we do NOT say....not just what we do say.





M.
Posted 10/2/2014 11:02 PM (GMT 0)
Awesome advice everybody... Let me add a little bit from the mans perspective.
My wife used to be jealous. She was insecure. It got so bad that I felt like her "nagging" was pushing me away. Over the years I have done my very best to earn her trust 100% and let her know that I would never do anything to lose that trust. It took a lot of work but she was worth it.

Jealously has an ugly face...you can actually push your husband away if you're not careful. Everyone has given you great advice. Just continue to be there for him and show him love. Be so thankful that you got a man that works. That's rare these days!

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/2/2014 5:06:12 PM (GMT-6)

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