So? What ARE we afraid of?

When I had therapy, a bunch of stuff came up (even stuff that was not abuse related). I'm full of all sorts of anxiety, like driving, going out, blah-blah-blah....

My therapist asked me about doing something, and I replied I was afraid to try that. He asked me point blank, what was I afraid of, and what did I think would happen.

So I pose the same question to you guys. We often write that we're afraid. But if we distill it down to the very basics (beyond we're afraid we'll have a panic attack, for example), strip it down to the roots, ARE we actually 'afraid' of happening if we TRY to do ______________ (whatever it might be)??

Question pointedly being: What are we afraid of by TRYING??





M.

Oh boy. My therapist has posed the same question. I said I was afraid of having a panic attack far from home or my safe place. He asked what would happen if I did. I said I'd freak out. He said then what. I said I'd pull over (assuming this scenario was driving). "Then what?" I said I'd call a loved one to help talk me through it. "What if that didn't work, then what?" I said I'd call 911 for help & go to the hospital (worst case scenario). He said "ok, & your family would come & get you & you'd be safe then?" I said yes.

In this line of questioning- I found out I was afraid of inconveniencing anyone for my "issues", I suppose even myself, so I avoid things that *might* cause such a case.

Great topic Merrida! Looking forward to hearing what others say!

Sending peace-
Lisa

I am afraid of something happening to my husband. My sister-in-laws husband has had 3 strokes over the last 2 years and luckily they have a grown daughter and son that help a lot. I would have no help and don't think I could handle it.

I'm afraid of being alone, I also fear something bad will happen and I would have no one to help me. I'm ultimately afraid of dying. I lost both my parents very unexpectedly, my father 3 years ago and my mother 3 months ago, and that has made me so sad that I'm afraid My dying would be devastating for my girls.

I'm afraid that life is going to hand me something that I can't handle.

Hi All

Good thread Merrida I have been asked this question a few times during therapy and some of the fears I have are my health and the fear of silence.

Hibee

I'm afraid of getting a disease and dying, my son would have to be placed in a nursing home and all my beloved animals would not be cared for. Now I'm sad.

I used to be unreasonably afraid of losing control of myself - looking foolish or weak in front of people. Fortunately I don't worry about that much now.

Hi Merrida,
THANK YOU for your post... that 'grabbed me'.... Its easy to get caught up in the way we are 'feeling' which generally results in our erratic thinking...that I know it becomes necessary to SLOW DOWN and breathe... after that it would be an excellent time to ask that all important question.
I know that some of my fears are irrational... some of my panicky feelings come from fear of my relationships with family and or friends... being raised with good ol' religious Fear and Guilt conditioning is probably responsible for a great deal of it...even after you have intellectually dealt with it... a lot of triggers bring those horrid teachings and threats back which is always telling you "I am not good enough."
I also like what you wrote about last in this thread... and just this morning I realized that I had to 'take the bull by the horns' as the old saying goes and just DO IT!!...whatever it is I am dodging and avoiding because it just build up MORE in my mind then.
Again...thank you... I am so proud of all the people who responded so honestly and upfront about what they fear. We shall overcome!! :) Take care everyone!

Haven't answered the questions to "and what if this happened" but....
my fears are:

getting the phone call saying my 86 year old mother has passed away. (She is not in ill health but old and 1200 miles away)

and

letting go of feeling like I am still being responsible of taking care of my adult children who are 30, 25 & 22.

Now that I'm older I'm fearful of being alone, getting sick and dying. With an elderly parent and one sibling this is a very distinct and real possibility. It is more likely than not I will die alone in a nursing home. I have no husband and no children. But this is Gods plan for me. I just need to accept this is the way things are supposed to be. I also have health anxiety. So the fear of illness and death surrounds me constantly. I look around my home knowing I will have no one to pass things down to. My things will go to charity where i trust they will be used. Wow! That sounds really depressing now that I see my life ahead of me!!! Not the charity part but the alone part!!!

You guys are doing awesome with this!! We're heading in the right direction....distilling down our fears into why, what, are, etc....

If we're afraid of leaving our kids,.....a thought is: What do we have in place, currently, to take care of them in case something should happen to us? What are we doing to be proactive to handle that (since worrying about it/them isn't productive).

If we're afraid of dying,....a thought is: Then what? We die, and, let's face it, we won't be aware of it. We will not be conscious of it. So what's the real fear? And more importantly, to those afraid of 'dying,' what are we doing to LIVE our lives so that when we die we don't look back with regrets at sitting there like a worrywart doing nothing but worry about an inevitable day? So between 'now' and 'dying'....what ARE we doing with our lives to make living our one life the most it can be?

If we're worried about health,....a thought is: What are we doing to protect our health? Are we smoking, drinking, eating fast food, sitting on a chair,...and whining and worrying? Or are we getting exercise, keeping our routine and preventative doctors appointments, getting screenings done, eating healthfully?

If we're worried about our relationship/s,.....a thought is: What are we doing to proactively liven them up and keep them up to snuff? Or are we down and moody, convinced of negativity and letting that rule how we conduct ourselves and our interpersonal relationships?

If we're afraid of being alone,....a thought is: What are we doing to become more socialized, have hobbies, friendships, comrades in arms, support groups, having pets and loved ones near by or that we connect with on a regular basis?



.......distill, distill, distill!! :)





M.