Feeling Awful

I just feel so down these days and my anxiety has gotten so bad. I feel like I'm being pushed to do so much ever since my dad passed. My mom keeps pushing and pushing me to do stuff like work and this and that, and if I don't she goes nuts at me. I feel so alone and lost and so torn and I just feel like a burden. Me and my mom get along, but I feel so much tension and stress now between us its making me uncomfortable.

Just now she asked me to go out with her and my brother for dinner and I told her I just don't feel like it, is that so wrong? I feel like my dad has been put on the back burner and all we have been doing is putting on fronts and faking smiles when really all I want to do is cry and I can't. I feel like she gets mad or annoyed when I cry.

I've never lost someone so close and I don't know how to mourn and I just feel so confused and I feel like I cant even be myself. I like my alone time as it is. I just miss my dad.

My anxiety has just been so bad too on top of it all, went to doctor and he wouldn't give me anything. I just don't know what to do. I'm so uncomfortable with everything in my life.

 Hi FL.,

Continued hugs and wishes for your healing heart. I am so sorry that you are feeling so awful right now.

I understand and see both sides here...

I know that you are still very fresh in your grief, so know that I have been where you are. (I lost my dad when I was 15) It is a process, and it takes time. Some days are okay...and others are an abyss.  Have faith, it does get less painful with the passing of time.

What your mom is trying to do is to start the process of moving on. It is an important step. It doesn't mean that you mourn any less. It does not take away from your missing your dad...it is simply that life must continue for those that are left here on earth.

Think about what your dad would rather see you doing on a Friday night. He would not want you home alone in your sadness.

Honoring your father also includes making the most of his legacy...which is YOU.

I am going to give you the link once again to Grief Share. I think finding a group near you could help in the process of getting through this.

http://www.griefshare.org/

Many comforting hugs and thoughts and prayers FL!

S.C.

Thank you everyone

Lesweet- I am 21 I had really bad anxiety a few years back but I was getting better before just more down and depressed about myself but now it's back full force. It's tough to cry sometimes because I work in the public so I put on a smile and pretend but then they come in asking questions and this and that and I just don't like it. I didn't like it before all of this, I'm actually going to the college next week for a tour, maybe switch It up a bit for myself.

SC- I thank you for your response as usual :). Sorry to hear about your dad too. It is so mind boggling and confusing to me, I get sometimes where I think he's still here and then it hits me. The grief share group you mentioned omg! I have been attending a grief share group for 3 months now. My grandma, myself and my mom go as well as my mom's friend who lost her mom in a car crash they were both in. It is great having the support of eachother and it is good for my grandma as well. I just don't really care for the group leader sadly. She is very harsh and not very kind at all. But it is a night our and the videos are helpful.

And thank you so much deborah, FL