venting about appt

So I know this is silly, I just need to vent.....this is really getting to me. The ortho called with my follow up appt. Monday morning, great. I really don't want to go again.

We drive 90 mins to get there... sit in this huge waiting room full of people in pain and my heart is trying to race my stomach to see who can escape first. I use breathing techniques and try distraction but its a no go. Then they finally call you and the walk back is the last chance to run. Silly, yes I know. Then the nurse takes your vitals and counsels you on managing high blood pressure. I tell her each time that it is from being in pain and being here....she gives you the stink eye but never listens. I want to shake her and scream "Good God woman my pulse isn't usually 120 with bp of 175/100...this is from you people." Instead I just sit there and wait for what seems like forever. Finally he comes in and says yet again 'I don't know" to just about every question I have written down (I forget if I don't). Lets do ABC test and come back in a month.

It has been 9 months, 3 drs, tons of xrays, myriad of pretzel impersonations (they call them exams), EMG, Ncv, 2 conflicting MRIs, muscle relaxers, pain meds (bad side effects) and months of excruciating physical therapy. Limited sleep and even less relief. I have tried elbow braces, slings, wrist braces, stretches, everything.....if they suggested it we tried it. The only thing that helps is the TENs unit. According to the dr it shouldn't. The movements that don't hurt should and the ones that do hurt shouldn't.

He admits something is going wrong but he cant find it. My hubby asked straight up "is this in her head?" No, there's something wrong in there. I just don't understand her responses, she isn't presenting exactly right.

I just don't wanna go through this anymore (stomps feet). I want them to figure it out and fix my arm (crosses arms and pouts). I wanna go back to work and live my life the way it was. I want it NOW!

Ok, grown up mode now. The really depressing part is this:
If he were to know that I am seeing a therapist for anxiety/depression he would instantly decide that since he hasn't found the problems they must originate from anxiety.
I have talked about this with my therapist and she agrees that he would land on that and never look for the real reason.
Yes, *SOME* of this is due to A/D but they arrived after months of chronic pain...not the other way around.

Okay, back to your regularly scheduled programming. ;-) Thanks for letting me vent.

I think this tends to be a problem that so many of us with complex issues face on a regular basis. And sadly, frustration is part and parcel of this complex package that is the combination of us and providers.

I have bunches of health issues, including chronic pain and anxiety. Sure they can be intertwined. And sure there's lots of questions about the chicken or the egg, and it can put us on the defensive. Lord knows I've been on that defensive line more than I care to admit.

Sometimes we just need to keep going through their hoops until we prove ourselves. No, it shouldn't *have* to be that way, but oftentimes it is. Sad to say I'm still doing it, proving my feelings, aches and pains, symptoms, trying to get a confirmation rather than a dismissal.

I'm learning, very slowly, that if I prove I'm willing to take their road and at least try, they know then that I'm "compliant" and maybe, just maybe more willing to work with me.

Just 'tinkin'....





M.

Thank you for the responses and perspectives. This place is full of great folks who willingly share and help. I hope I can be as helpful as y'all have been.

Merrida: as always I will be complaint. I desperately want this fixed. After this long though my patience is worn out. Its a struggle to get through another month for a f/u, another 6 weeks of pt, or wait 4-5 days for the steroid shot to kick in. I am bone tired of waiting. But, I continue to do so as there is no other option.

Hibee;
He is my second opinion. The first one was cut happy and trying to schedule surgery and give me all kinds of meds before he ever touched me. Flags!!! Can you look First maybe and then we can develop a treatment plan? Just asking...he didn't like me asking so I found another opinion.

The new one is in a huge office and does not seem to know who I am. Several times he has come in and asked about blood work or other tests which they never asked me to take. Or wanted to remove staples when I didn't have any. I can only guess is there is another lady with similar/same name as me.

I will give him until the end of the year and then find another (someone to break the tie I guess) provider if he cant figure something out. One MRI shows 3 torn tendons in the rotator cuff, spurs and abnormal fluid...along with arthritis and impingement. One shows nothing. I get the fact that out bodies heal but if I have the cure for arthritis then we can make some serious money!

Cornell:
I hear you. That very topic has been hashed out with my therapist a few times...I opened that box. The timeline just isn't right to accept this as A/D based.
There has been physical damage since the day I fell in Feb. Anxiety only kicked in after a bad bad bad reaction to medication late June. The meds messed me up for a while and I am having to learn new skills. I accept that I have an A/D issue....that's obvious. But as my therapist put it the anxiety is "a branch not the root" of this situation. I am just very flustered.

Well, thanks for listening to me babble. I hope all of you have a good night.

well done.

I am feeling so much better anxiety wise.
There is still that voice saying "oh no a new dr...start all over??? yikes!"
But I am holding onto this victory for as long as I can.