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Being a caretaker and anxiety sufferer!

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted Today 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi.  I've been doing fairly well lately with my anxiety.  However, my mom has had some issues lately and my anxiety is increasing.  She's a widow in her 90s but in good shape for her age.  She exercises, drives, goes out and etc.  However last week she fell. It scared me and my anxiety shot through the roof.  Every time she calls me or I call her, I end up in a panic about her health.  She'll tell me about her aches and pains and I'll worry that she's dying right now.  I know that I overreact but I also know at some point, something will happen that she won't recover from.  She's not ready for a home and she has made that quite clear.  She has one of those medical alert buttons she can push if something happens but I fear she won't use it.  Last week when she fell, she didn't push the button but called me instead.  My anxiety is increasing and I need to get it under control - for both of us.  I know that every time I come to this site, help is just around the corner.  I know others have been through this same thing so I guess I'm looking for support and reassurance that I'm handling things as best I can.  I can't let my anxiety get the best of me.  Not again.
Posted Today 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Well the good news is, your anxiety rearing itself is a very normal thing considering your circumstances. I know that doesn't make it feel better, but your body/mind is actually preparing to kick into flight mode to help your mother.

With that being said, what're you doing to manage your anxiety- meds, therapy, coping skills, etc?

Could you talk to mom & tell her how you're feeling about the anxiety of her not using her med alert button? People often don't want to burdon or cause a fuss using those, even when they should! My friends gma fell & had one & didn't use it either. She said she didn't want to cause a scene... Grr.

Between taking care of yourself with whatever means you use to cope with your anxiety & talking with mom about how it's important for YOUR peace of mind that she use the alert (& that it will not be a burdon to ANYONE if she uses it), this will help calm your nerves & give you some peace of mind.

Wishing you all the very best!
Lisa
Posted Today 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Lisa brings up a really good point. A few of them in fact! (Way to go Lisa!)

My MIL has one of those alerts as well, and she will always end up calling one of her sons instead when she's in trouble,...or just waiting until *someone* shows up and never read out to anyone at all! It's scary, and she does it for that same reason Lisa mentioned: She's afraid she'll be a burden.

Communication is so important. And perhaps having a good ol' fashioned heart-to-heart with her is in order? Certainly cannot hurt and maybe *she* needs a little reassurance, too?





M.
Posted 12/3/2014 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
You both have valid points and good ideas. Part of my issue is accepting my mom is old and won't be here some day. I get frustrated, angry and scared when things happen. Outside of my brother and my niece I have no other close family. I guess I'm thinking when she goes I'm alone. I'd feel better if she lived in an assisted living apartment. Something her own but with help nearby. When the phone rings and it's her my anxiety goes into overdrive as I fear "this is it". I asked her why she didn't use the alarm when she fell. She said her first thought was to call me. I've told her if anything happens push the button then call me. I've explained her first call should be to someone who can get to her fast and provide emergency help. I've got a lot of work to do. Starting with myself. I guess its back to therapy for me!!
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