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Severe anxiety-Fear of losing my mind :(

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Posted 1/9/2015 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone!
I am new in the group, and I really need support with my state of mind.Im a 26-yrs old woman from Finland. Here´s my whole story: I´ve had anxiety all and all for about 5 years now, but things got out of hands last summer when i took TWO hits from ****. really, TWO. At first I only felt a little dizzy, not even in an unpleasant way but soon I started feeling really bad, the dizziness was out of control, my whole head especially the back of the head felt cold, depersonalisation came in the picture and my heart was beating really fast. This whole episode lasted about 24hrs.

After the episode, I started feeling REALLY dizzy everyday, it interfered my life so much that I Had to call 911 few times. Dizziness lasted for about couple of months, after that went away came horrible palpitations (heart rate about 150/min), lasted several hours and became very often. Then came the feeling that I couldn´t breath, that was also very unpleasant. Short story long, I was really scared I was going to day any minute.

Today, Im actually over the fear of dying, but now I have something even more terrible: Fear of losing my mind and going crazy (psychotic, schizophrenic). I have some VERY harrassing obsessive thoughts that I don´t even want to say out loud and I don´t know why do I have these when I love everyone around me and despite of the mistakes I´ve made in my life I don´t consider myself as a bad person. shakehead Those thoughts are one of the reasons I fear losing my mind. My aunt also told me one time that my great-granddad died of crazyness (is that even possible?) and that makes me think I might have that in me too.

I stared taking zoloft about 5 weeks ago, still have these thoughts. My anxiety is very severe sometimes!! Am I really losing my mind? Im scared that I might hurt someone that I love or myself..Was it the **** that started up some slow process towards me going crazy? This is ruining my life :(

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 1/9/2015 2:11:06 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/9/2015 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hello and welcome!

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles! :( It sounds like you have had a really rough time of things lately...but there is hope!

What you are describing is not unusual, and you can expect to feel better with the use of your Rx, as well as seeking some therpy and/or self-help to round out your treatment plan.

Intrusive thoughts such as you describe, fall within the OCD/Anxiety spectrum, and have nothing to do with your true feelings or intensions...

...they are just that...intrusive thoughts, brought on by anxiety. They will not cause you to go crazy!! They can just make you miserable.;/

You likely had a pre-disposition for anxiety that was triggerd by the substance abuse. This is common, and for some it is other things such as caffeine/energy drinks, nicotene, alcohol. Still others have triggers such as emotional/physical trauma, illness and the like...

Are you planning on pursuing therapy? If not, this is a good consideration if it's a possibility for you. You can ask your prescribing doctor about a therapy referral, or look for one on your own.

We also have a lot of great self-help material in your Resources here. See the link below for getting started.:)

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206



Keep posting with us as well if you find it helpful...support is key, and we are here to listen and encourage anytime.

Scaredy Cat

Posted 1/9/2015 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
therapy is key. i fully recommend it. keep strong, sending healing thoughts.
Posted 1/9/2015 10:13 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome :) Thanks for sharing your story. You're in the right place.
Posted 1/10/2015 10:53 AM (GMT 0)
Hi!
Thank you for replying :)
I´ve been in psychotherapy for almost two years now, and I think it´s helped a bit. Don´t know where would I be without it.
This is my biggest question right now? Is it possible for a person to just go so crazy that it might be deadly? For what I´ve heard, that great-granddad I mentioned was "crazy" and out of control back in the 70´s, and right now I am so scared I´m gonna be that way too :( My aunt shouldn´t have mentioned anything to me, since she knows I´m an extremely sensitive person :( And the fact that I can´t get any better information about it, just that he was crazy and died because of it. What does it even mean?!? Trying so hard not to think about it and this whole thing probably sounds so ridiculous, but if there was a way you could reassure me that I´m not losing it.. :(
Posted 1/10/2015 1:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

First of all welcome to the forum you are in good company here and will get good support.

I can understand your fears of going crazy as I have had those same fears myself over the years but what I can say is that just because your great grandad had the crazy tag does not mean that you will be the same.

I used a lot of illegal substances in the 90's basically I was self medicating and that did have an effect on my mental health but that was over an extended period of time (8 years) so I think your use should not of caused you any long term damage although I do agree it may be the trigger to your current anxiety.

I am pleased that you have been therapy as that really is the key to sorting through your issues can I ask what type of therapy you have done? The reason I ask is that there is some therapies which are more suited to dealing with anxiety such as CBT and Mindfulness.

You can get through this it may take some work but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel and we are all here to support you and can relate to what you are going through so don't feel alone. I have intrusive thoughts caused by my OCD and know how hard they are to live with but the thing that really helped me was Mindfulness Mediation which I try and do every day so maybe you could look into it? Just a suggestion.

The Zoloft should really be starting to kick in for you now it can take as long as 8 weeks before the full benefits can be seen so stick with it and if you are still not feeling better in a couple of weeks I would go back and speak with your doctor as you may need an increase.

Stay with us and keep posting you are part of the family and we are here to support you.

Hibee
Posted 1/10/2015 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
P.,

There is something more to the story of your GG that you are not hearing. A person with a mental illness does not simply expire due to his/her affliction. I can't venture to say, but it is my guess that there was perhaps self-harm involved, or maybe an accident that occured as the result of poor judgement due to mental issues...but no, no one dies as a 'natural' result of mental health challenges.

Also keep in mind that you suffer anxiety. Anxiety does not develop into a more serious mental health issue (such as schizophrenia as many anxious people fear) it can simply become worsening anxiety.

Keep up with your treatment plan! You are taking the right steps to feel your best. Continued use of your therapy and Rx are going to find you feeling better and better! :)

Support here also plays a big part, so keep posting!

S.C.
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