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my mother is ridiculously immature

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Posted 4/25/2015 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
does anybody else deal with a parent who acts like a child? My mom and step Father were going to come out for my son's soccer game last week she was supposed to rain. It didn't. So this week they were going to come up it's her birthday today and she said well you might have a headache or you might be stressed out so maybe we should wait. Same thing she does when we're on the phone every excuse to get off of the phone, you sound busy blah blah blah so once in a while I open my mouth because that's what I do I say what I'm thinking. I said I am so sick of you making excuses if you don't want to come just say so. Nobody ever wants to drive here and I'm always making all the effort.

So this morning she sent a group text to me and my sisters that she's going to come to 1 grandsons game where they live and then my sons this afternoon. so I text her email her and said you guys should just stay there today and relax on your birthday. when she's playing with violent game I really don't want to be around her.No response she plays the silent game when she gets mad about stuff. So finally I said hello and she said since you caused so much tension We are just going to wait. OMG I'm so sick of the BS I live 2 hours from my family and I'm always the one driving back and forth. oh and she is never wrong and everybody else is always awful.its not allowed to speak whats on your mind in my family but I do anyway.
Posted 4/25/2015 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hazel, please don't let this banter ruin your day, it's still early and there is a lot to enjoy, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/25/2015 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
didn't mean violent game - silent game haha yeah you're right Larry.my mom probably won't speak to me for a month now that's how she is lovely huh?
Posted 4/25/2015 7:27 PM (GMT 0)
I could of wrote this post. My mother and dad never come visit me and my son. The only time they come over is christmas when other family members are here. They live 45 min away from me. My mother makes every excuse in the book not to come over. My adult son is handicapped and in a wheelchair so its not easy for me to go to their house where it is so cluttered there is no way I could manuveur his wheelchair in there. It hurts me that my mother and dad will never make an  effort.
Posted 4/25/2015 11:15 PM (GMT 0)
H.N.,

You sound like me...you would rather speak your mind and deal with the consequences than keep quiet and let things fester. I believe that this is a healthier way to approach things than just ignoring troublesome issues for the sake of 'peace'.

However, I am sorry that this dynamic is happening between you and your mom.;( Is there a possibility that she is being misunderstood? Maybe she really does not want to be intrusive in your life?

I notice my mom sometimes saying things like..."I don't want to take up your time"...or..."Sorry to bother you." when she calls. I am always saying, "Mom it is no bother!!!" ;)

I hope that you guys can come to a resolution on this and feel better about this situation soon. Family is too important to let things like this rob us of time spent together. :)

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 4/26/2015 2:24 AM (GMT 0)
yeah maybe so scared cat but I just feel like I am big enough to say I need to get off the phone or that I don't want company because I'm pretty outspoken I don't need her to speak for me you now? It just gets annoying and I know she doesn't like to talk on the phone.

but the way she ignores me when she gets mad about something just send me over the top. I cannot stand being ignored it's so childish and immature.
Posted 4/26/2015 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry Debrah hard right now its always been like that for me too people come see me once or twice a year .
my mom was posting stuff on Facebook all day about if you can't be positive at least be quiet which I know is towards me. Passive aggressive? Ugh. I wanted to put so bad at least don't ignore somebody though when they're trying to be nice sent her a really sweet email telling her if I can't speak to my mother than who can I speak my mind too? I wasn't even being mean at all
Posted 4/26/2015 3:48 PM (GMT 0)
 I have had to put up boundaries against those who do nothing but bring me down and cause me anxiety, my mom being one. I love her from afar, I can't handle anything closer.
Posted 4/27/2015 8:52 AM (GMT 0)
so much mother finally responded with an email. She completely blamed me and said that the way that I acted was may be because of PMS? I don't even know what to say to that that of course she wouldn't do anything to hurt my feelings but by completely ignoring me is hurtful. and she said I need to stop thinking so negatively. So she never justifies any of my feelings ever which is BS because my children totally agree with me about my family in fact they bring it up to me quite often.she completely acts like she never does anything wrong and that drives me nuts she also said that because of all my emails and texts her and my step dad couldn't sleep for 2 nights that is so beyond ridiculous all I did was say that nobody came up to see me and that she always had excuses. I'm not even quite sure what to say to her but it drives me nuts and not to speak my mind lol
Posted 4/27/2015 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with DS about boundaries!

We can't control others behavior...but we can have power over our own reaction, and often that starts with not putting ourselves is a position to be hurt in the first place.

Limiting contact for the time being might be what is needed at this time.

When feelings have cooled down, maybe having a talk about how you guys can best communicate might help...

Something along the lines of :

"When you say that, I am interpreting it as this...is that what you meant?"

Often what people are saying, and how we receive it...becomes a case of 'lost in translation'...so it is important to ask about intent!

Try not to internalize this...you rock, no matter what HN.:)

S.C.
Posted 4/27/2015 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
yes i emailed her something to that effect. and just because i speak my mind doesn't make me negative. she is the type who believes that anxiety could be cured if you give it to God. she doesn't get it or won't even try. she became super religious a few years ago and thinks only positive thoughts are acceptable. i told her that her and my sisters don't work and are married so they have no idea what my life is like and being positive 24/7 is just not reality. i try though.
that part about controlling our reactions is a tough one!!! i couldn't go back to sleep last night until i spoke my mind again in email. lol geeez. ha
Posted 4/27/2015 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hazel, tell your mother to read about King David, there were times in his life he was eaten up by anxiety.

Peace

Larry ***
Posted 4/28/2015 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
H.N.

Larry is right! Even if we have faith...we still have challenges in life, and to say otherwise is sailing right past positivity...into delusional!! ;p

You are right as well...they have no idea what you go through in your day to day...so don't let their words affect you.

You just keep rockin' it out like you do! ;)

Hugs and high fives!

S.C.
Posted 4/28/2015 6:57 PM (GMT 0)
thanks guys. :) :)
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