[TRIGGER WARNING] My anxiety hits me in crippling waves sometimes

I was raped by my ex multiple times while I was asleep or passed out. I am seeing a wonderful therapist right now on a weekly basis and we are working on opening up about this trauma since I've pushed it down and refused to acknowledge it until my very first weeklong panic attack a few weeks ago.

I'm not on anxiety medication yet but my PCP switched me from 60 mg of Prozac to 100 mg of Zoloft. So far, it seems to be working as intended, but I know it's not an anti-anxiety medication. I can become relaxed after several rounds of deep breathing, especially when I am aware of when the anxiety is coming on.

However, it does not work 100% of the time. Anywhere I go, I feel anxious and unsafe (my therapist has used this word with me so I feel comfortable also using it because it is essentially how I feel). I'm worried I will run into my ex or somebody (gender doesn't matter) will grab me. When I am touched and I do not see the person touching me (especially in my genitals), I freak out and begin to cry immediately. This has made me uncomfortable when becoming intimate with my boyfriend, C, because I am worried he will accidentally touch me and I will begin to cry. This has happened a few times and he has always, always been supportive and loving while I calm myself down.

In public, I'm always on edge. My face even twitches and tightens as if it is being pulled back by tape sometimes! It's such a weird and uncomfortable feeling. I've begun to think of it as my mask being put in place, because I always do it when I begin to think of something that causes anxiety. And, just now, I did it again.

I am so sick of automatically not trusting anybody. I don't even interact with my coworkers like I used to before this anxiety/PTSD set in. I just sit alone at my cubicle and read anti-depression/anxiety/etc articles to calm myself down. I'm glad I found this site tonight.

Anyways, my therapist and PCP are considering putting me on anxiety medication (Wel...something or other. I can't remember what they said). But, until then, I need some non-medication ways to fix this weird tsunami of anxiety that appears out of nowhere.

Hi

First of all welcome to the forum I am pleased you have found us we are a caring community and you will find good support here from others who can relate.

I am really sorry to hear about the trauma you have gone through but pleased to hear you are seeing a therapist and have a good support network at the moment as that is key. Something like this can take a long time to get over but your therapist should be able to give you some coping strategies and the Zoloft should help ease your anxiety but can take upto 8 weeks before you see the full benefit.

Have a look at our resources thread which you will find on the main page first post for some useful links to self help guides on the web. I find Mindfulness Mediation is really effective it takes a while to master but it is well worth the effort. You will find lots of videos on youtube so if you have the time look some up.

Stay with us and keep posting we are here for you.

Hibee

Nicole,

You have received some great guidance and support already, so I will just add my welcome, and say we are glad you have joined us!

I do hope that you find the care and encouragement that you seek here.

You have started your process of recovery, so feel hopeful and good about this! Well done, and keep going...you are going to make it to the other side of your traumas victorious!

Scaredy Cat