I think I've developed a dependency on my benzo

At the end of April, I started keeping track of when and how much diazepam I was taking. Sensibly, it was to ensure I wasn't taking too much in short periods of time.

I was looking back through it today and a pattern seems to have formed. After a few days without, there would be several days where I would take more (no more than prescribed) than I had previously, as if I was trying to make up for the missed days.

Thinking back over the past year or so, it kind of makes sense. I've been getting them since November (with good intentions), but the amount I was taking didn't really escalate until after a few rough months (ill over Christmas break, getting laid off just as I was feeling ready to return to work, and getting rejected by a woman I was quite taken with).

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me. The anxiety free days are proof my anti-depressants are working. It's the rebound symptoms that keep dragging me back.

Just needed to share with people who have cared and given so much for me and I've come to think of as like a family.

That's the thing - I have been taking them as prescribed (no more than 15mg a day). It just struck me as significant.

Stacey, thank you for the prompt reply.

NC,

The fact that you are concerned about it...and kept records tracking your use speaks to the fact that you are not a likely risk for having an issue with your Rx.:)

I agree with the others...needing a particular med...even if it has a physical dependency quality is NOT the same as having an addiction to it.

In addition, you are in therapy and doing other things to round out your treatment plan, so I see absolutely no red flags or cause for concern here.:)

Keep up the good work!

...and  know we consider you a valued family member too! ;p

S.C.

You know our bodies do become dependent on things. Back in the day...Benadryl was by prescription only. I've had severe allergies my entire life, and I was prescribed it as a teenager.

I took it as prescribed, and when it became an OTC med, I just bought it, and continued my previously prescribed dose.

In my 30's, I started experiencing depression, and read a study that said diphenhydramine disrupts our bodies reuptake of serotonin. I decided to try zyrtec, and stop the Benadryl.

I had horrible withdrawal symptoms!! I asked my doctor if you could become addicted to it, and she said that my body likely had become dependent on the relaxation aspect of Benadryl. She told me it is given to children in the hospital to help them relax.

I get what you mean about your body becoming dependent, and it probably will. You can taper down though, and withdraw from it slowly until you don't need it any more. When it's time, though.

As SC said, you are aware of this, and you will deal with it accordingly.

There is a big difference between dependency and abuse. I think most of us who take benzos become dependent, whether physically or mentally, but as long as you are not taking more than prescribed, I don't think there is reason for concern.

I know they are coming up with concern for more likely Alzheimer's diagnoses on those who take longtime benzo users, but I will have to admit, I am more concerned how messed up I become without them.

I have been taking them for nearly 30 years...never too many, and have reduced dosage with the Dr, but I don't know that I will ever be off of them due to the length of time I have taken them.

Best of luck to you, and please be sure if you try to lower dosage that you talk with your Dr on how to reduce them.

Night,

You and me both, brother. It doesn't sound like abuse to me, but that doesn't mean it isn't a dependency. Being dependent on something you need that helps you seems logical to me. Keep on keeping on. You are making some great steps in self-realization and I see good things in the future for you. Cheers.