anxiety is back with a vengeance

I have struggled with anxiety for about most of my adult life. I'm currently 32. I have taken Zoloft for about 2 years and I felt like I was feeling better so I talked with my doctor and we decided to ween me off of it. I can honestly say that I felt great for a month, and then my heart issues came back. When I wasn't medicated I had a lot of heart issues due to my anxiety. My heart would skip beats, flutter, race, and sometimes stop for a few seconds and I would get very close to blacking out. I have had tons of tests over the years and they tell me that the issues are benign. While I was on the zoloft, the heart issues were okay. It would still flutter sometimes, but it didn't scare me anymore. Well, about a month after I stopped taking the zoloft, my heart did the stopping thing and I felt like the wall I built up to keep the fear out came crashing down. That was about a month ago, and I feel absolutely awful now. I have an appointment with my dr. this friday, that was the soonest I could get in because she's on vacation.

Here is the problem now. I started taking zoloft again about 2 weeks ago. I tried taking 25mg for a few days, then 50mg one time, but I felt like I was losing my mind. I am really sensitive to SSRIs so I starting cutting the 25mg in half, did that for a week, and now I'm taking the full 25mg. I was on 100mg before I stopped taking it about 2 months ago. I have been having to take xanax once or twice a day for almost 3 weeks now because my anxiety and panic attacks have come back. I am sick every morning and I wake up at 5am on the dot with vomiting and diarrhea. That usually passes after 2 hours, but I still feel anxious all day. My anxiety has also totally made me lose my appetite and I can tell I've lost a couple pounds. I have to force myself to eat small amounts of food a few times a day or I get really lightheaded.

I try reminding myself that my heart issues aren't going to kill me, but I feel a completely overwhelming sense of fear nearly all day. It's like I'm sitting around waiting for my heart to act up. At times, it felt like the zoloft was starting to kick in, and half of my day would be good, then I have a panic attack and my heart goes crazy and the anxiety is back like it never left. It feels like I'm on a roller coaster.

I want to talk to my doctor about trying Propranolol again. I tried it a while back at 10mg 3x/day, but it didn't do anything that I could tell for my heart issues. I have a friend who takes it and she takes 20mg 3x/day and says she has no heart issues anymore.

I just feel really defeated being back at this point with my anxiety. I felt like I had kicked its butt. I had felt normal and okay for 2 years and now I'm back where I started. I keep telling myself I will get back to that point, but my brain isn't taking the hint and I keep feeling anxious. I started meditating a few days ago, and I feel like that helps when I'm all trembly and my hands and feet go numb. It helps me calm down, but doesn't last very long. I have 3 kids, 2 young ones, to take care of and my husband works a lot. I've started to feel scared of being alone with my kids because I don't want my heart to stop and die in front of them (again, remind myself constantly that the doctors told me my heart is healthy).

At this point I'm basically just waiting for the zoloft to kick in and make my brain tone the fear response down. I am worried about taking the xanax everyday but if there was ever a person that needed it, it's me right now. These past 3 weeks have been really really difficult. I just want the sickness, vomiting and whatnot, to be over so I can feel comfortable going up to 50mg of zoloft. I'm wondering if my physiology changed somehow when I stopped taking the zoloft for that month. Why am I struggling so much getting back on it? The fear is the worst. It takes all joy out of my day and puts fear into everything I want to do. I suppose fear is useful because it can keep us alive, stop us from making dangerous choices, but I just don't want to be afraid anymore.

To those of you who actually read this entire post, kudos. You are awesome!

Hi WBG,

I too am sorry to hear of your returning anxiety. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon, even when starting up again on the same Rx...and you may just need that few weeks of adjustment time before the beneficial effects are noted. However, be hopeful in the fact it helped you before and that's a good sign you will find the relief you need again.

Like A.L. suggested, use coping skills to help you through the breaking in phase...and keep talking with us for support! (we have links in the Resources specifically on self help for PVC's, as well as tips for shutting down panic attacks...let us know if you need the direct links, or just look at the 1st thread at the top of the main forum page.)

I also hope that you get some guidance from your doctor with your upcoming visit.

Keep us posted, and we will keep you cheered along in your journey. :)

S.C.

Thanks for the replies all! Trying to hang in there and go through all the old rituals and routines to keep the anxiety at bay. You have any side effects from the beta blocker, jumper? I think Propranolol is a beta blocker as well. Gotta get the heart under control and I think my anxiety will be so much better. Stinks sitting here all day waiting for my heart to go wonky.