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Posted 8/26/2015 4:04 AM (GMT 0)
So I think I have realized why I often have issues in my relationships, or at least part of it. Aside from having separation anxiety as a child and attachment/commitment issues, I realized I always depended upon others for my happiness. I have been trying to develop a better sense of self but it is sometimes hard. When I am not in a relationship I am doing ok on my own and having fun with friends, although often thinking about future and who I will meet etc. Relationships are an obsession for me. I tend to feel excited at the beginning of dating someone and then I quickly get so much anxiety that it overwhelms me and I think the person is wrong and not to menton i get attached easily. In some past experiences, yes this was the case. But I don't believe it is now. I start to lose myself in a relationship and don't jnow how to balance. Right now I'm dating someone who is balanced and great so far. How can I work on myself and my confidence in the world and maintain a relationship as well? Has anyone ever experienced this?
Posted 8/26/2015 8:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

I am not the best person to give advice on relationships as I find them very difficult due to having Aspergers Syndrome so can't really advice you on that but I am sure some of the other members will have some good advice for you.

With regards to your anxiety the best way to beat that is by doing some talking therapy such as CBT or Mindfulness Meditation. What I do know is attachment issues are complex as I also have them and you are best talking things through with an experienced therapist. I am currently doing Schema Therapy and we have talked a lot about my attachment issues as a child and how that is still affecting me as an adult.

Hibee
Posted 8/26/2015 12:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am on the verge of trembling, this is so eerie. The terms you used are so familiar to me, I'm thrown back to therapy session when I began university. I know exactly how you feel. I feel really great single, hanging out with similarly single friends. I occasionally have girlish fantasies, like "what if this one is the one" when I have yet to achieve the stability to make it to a second date. I tell myself I'm young, used to have a severely antisocial personality, have anxiety, and am now dealing with DPD again. I'm only just learning how to be me, I don't know how to be me in a relationship, afraid I'm going to lose myself.

But mostly I'm afraid of being too wiggly and unstable for The One in whatever hazy future I have with them. I'm an all-or-nothing person. I have casual acquaintances, and I have friends I would give my kidney to. I'm either not in a relationship, or I am 200% there. I don't know how to do anything in a casual or relaxed manner (except for dressing. Flannel shirts and jeans, booyah!)

I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
Posted 8/26/2015 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
I can be an all or nothing person as well and it's so hard. I can't relax while I'm dating bc I project the future nonstop. Then I question everything. And it makes me wonder.. is it me or them? I know I have insecurities that I've never got over but in my head im like ok maybe I need to work on me and then be in a relationship. But my therapist says I am a work in progress and you don't need to complete urself before u are with someone. You are a work in progress. I really feel like I'm jeopardizing a relationship with someone I've been seeing bc of the intense anxiety and depression , attachment, and insecurities. I have to make myself happy and I start to Feel a sense of self again because lately I almost feel tramatized by life.
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