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Severe separation anxiety

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Posted 11/4/2015 10:48 PM (GMT 0)
I have suffered with anxiety for many many years and have been on and off this website for the same amount of time. Right now my anxiety revolves around the fact that my youngest son, age 24, who has lived with me all his life so far, is going into the Peace Corps in Thailand starting January 8. I am 68 years old and worried that something will happen either to me or to him in that period of time that it consumes my every thought. I try so hard to put a positive spin on this because I know how badly he wants it, but internally I am falling apart. I'm so afraid I will completely crash when he boards that plane that it's all I can think about. Maybe if I had had him at a younger age and was only in my 40s I wouldn't mind quite so much but at my age I'm convinced something will happen to me before I get to see him again. And with the world being in the crazy condition that it is, that only makes matters worse. Of course at his age he feels immortal and doesn't understand why am so concerned and I really don't expect him to understand it but the fact remains that I am left with this horrible anxiety that I want so badly to ControL. Outwardly I try to support him in this but I think he knows deep down how I really feel and that makes me feel even more guilty because I want him to do whatever makes him happy. Any advice on how I can overcome this irrational fear?
Posted 11/4/2015 10:53 PM (GMT 0)
And by the way, he'll be gone for 2 years and 3 months...ugh. I don't know how other parents can bear to send their sons off to war and I know this is not as serious as that but it still is devastating me.
Posted 11/4/2015 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
You did a great job of raising a son who wants to do something good in this world. You have to celebrate that.

He is your baby, and it is understandable that you will worry about him. However, since you did such a good job raising him, he's smart, and he's capable. He will make choices based on the qualities you instilled in him.

Speak to a therapist about it, write a journal about it. Get involved in a project of your own. Something that takes up a lot of your time so you don't dwell on every minute. Do whatever you have to do to take care of you.

I'm not saying it will be easy at all. I cannot imagine having one of my children that far away from me for that long, but we raise them up to live their own lives, and we must support them. I know you know this, and that you are trying.

Just keep telling yourself that it will be okay. He will be okay, and the time will pass quickly. Hang in there.
Posted 11/5/2015 12:16 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Stacey....I'm going to try my hardest but being the anxious person I am under normal conditions, this is going to be especially difficult. I have a feeling I'll be on this site a lot in the foreseeable future!
Posted 11/5/2015 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
That's fine. We'll be here too.
Posted 11/5/2015 3:39 AM (GMT 0)
Andwes,

We certainly will be here for you...post as needed!

I know how difficult this must be! We never stop worrying about our 'babies'!

There is going to be an initial rough time, to be sure. This is natural.

However, you will adjust...and both of you are going to be just fine during his service.

You are giving him a great gift by supporting him, and letting him pursue his dream...

...and you may find that you experience a good amount of personal growth, both in your recovery...and discovering new interests.

I agree with J.M....

...you've done a great job of raising your son! Now it is time to watch him do something amazing!

We are here for you anytime.:)

S.C.
Posted 11/5/2015 5:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, i live really close to thailand and honestly it isn't so bad. I believe your son will have a good time there. It isn't as messy as the media portrays it to be. The bomb blast was tragic but thailand overall is a wonderful place. Don't worry too much! Maybe he'd bump into me and we could upload a photo ya!?

Cheeers,
Rei
Posted 11/5/2015 10:39 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks all of you for your kind support. I know I'm going to depend on you wonderful compassionate folks as time goes on...having lived with anxiety and panic for so much of my life that I worry I'll have a meltdown when he boards that plane and that's NOT what I want to do. I've considered going on an antidepressant (I've never taken one, just used xanax for anxiety and panic attacks) because I'm finding I cry at the drop of a hat (I'm actually crying right now) but I've always been a little leary of them. I need one that doesn't make me anymore jittery than I already feel. Any suggestions?

And Rei...it's so comforting to know there's someone living close to the area. He will be with a host family near Bankock for the first three months of training then living with another host family in a rural area teaching in elementary school. I just worry about the fact that the Peace Corps itself warned that the Thai people don't really trust Americans and are sometimes resistant to their intrusion and watch every move we make. Wes is a very like able guy, very positive, intelligent, and highly motivated to make a change and I hope it works out for him. He barely made it in because he destroyed his knee when he played in his final high school football game and has had two surgeries since so of course I worry about that too as it tends to act up easily. I guess the PC really likes him tho, as they were willing to make an exception for him. So, who knows, maybe down the road I could put you in touch with him. Where do you actually live?
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