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Setback of Doom!

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Posted 11/8/2015 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
I have been going through what I can only describe as a doozy of a setback. I am on 20 mg of Lexapro for the second time in my life and my pdoc prescribed 1 mg of Klonopin 2x Day about 6-7 weeks ago. He told me to take them at the same time every day.

Anyway, I thought I turned the corner because I was feeling so much better for over a month, then the day after Halloween I started feeling terrible again. As I told some of you I was not as diligent with my diet, coping skills, and I ate a lot of my kid's candy (he's only 7 months old now, so it's not like it was for him anyway tongue)

My anxiety has returned in a big way and with it obsessive thoughts. I get scary thoughts about self harm (although I would never ever do that) and have for some reason become obsessed with the idea that I have bipolar disorder because I was fine for a month and a half and now my anxiety has returned. I know I'm not bipolar but I'm scared that I am becoming tolerant to the daily Klonopin dosage.

Part of me is saying, "dude, this is just a setback" while at the same time Im obsessing about Klonopin tolerance because my anxiety feels like it has only gotten worse the past few days.

I guess I just need some good vibes and some reassurance...I dont know if I shoud talk to my p-doc about how I am feeling because my fear is he will simply increase the dosage of Klonopin or if I should wait and see if this setback passes.

It's so frustrating to feel like you are doing better and starting to enjoy life again only to be thrust back down into what feels like an abyss of depression and anxiety. Im pacing my house, scared to go out, my head feels foggy, I feel strung out and scared as all heck.

Today, while my wife was at work, I was holding my son and then just started crying like a baby feeling like I was letting him down.

I know ups and downs are normal part of the process of recovery but this one feels brutal.

Any advice is much appreciated.
Posted 11/8/2015 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you've been feeling so frustrated. I hate those feelings.

Don't worry about the klonopin as long as you are taking it as prescribed. I am prescribed the exact same medicine as you. I actually cut my klonopin dose in half because of that foggy strung out feeling. It works for me most days, but I do increase it to a full pill once in a while if I'm in a particularly stressful situation.

You are right! Ups and downs are normal, and part of the process. Some are brutal, but you can do this. Maybe that cry was just what you needed to release some of this pent up anxiety.

I'm not sure where you live, but the season changes are hard for a lot of us. Moon phases (like at Halloween) and diet changes like you mentioned are also big contributors to anxiety. Be patient with yourself.

Do try to get back into the habit of eating well, and practicing your coping skills. Discuss your concerns with your doctor, and get some reassurance.

We are here to listen.
Posted 11/8/2015 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
TKBG,

I am sorry you are having a rough time of it currently. :(

I know it seems like an eternity while you are in the midst of it...

...but try to remember that this will not last...it is a temporary detour.

You will get back on track, and come out the other side stronger than ever!

You are taking the right steps...continue to work the self help and know we are here cheering you on ! :)

S.C.
Posted 11/8/2015 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks JM,

I am taking it exactly as prescribed, I'm too afraid of meds to play around with this stuff. You just read so much crap on Google about benzo withdrawals and addiction that you freak out.

I live in sunny Miami, but yeah I did feel like the hour change messed me up and have felt strange since then. I ate a lot of candy and sugar. My diet hasnt been the best, its like as soon as I start feeling better I go back to my old ways because I want to forget I how I was feeling. Although I have changed for the better in many regards because of this condition, diet is always the hardest for me.

I used to train and fight professionally in addition to my day job but ever since I retired from that because of the birth of my son and just that my wife asked me too when she first met me because she was scared of me getting hurt I decided to leave that life. I used to focus on my diet and training....now Im 300 lbs when I used to walk around at 215-220. So im also somewhat self conscious about the weight I have put on but dieting is hard for me now and I dont lose weight like used to because I probably messed my metabolism a bit with the crazy weight cuts I used to do to compete.

Anyway yeah Im afraid of the Klonopin even if it does give me some help but maybe my obsession with Klonopin tolerance and withdrawal has to do with this recent setback of my anxiety that has me having all sorts of obsessive thoughts. I'm going to call my pdoc on Monday and see what he recommends I do. I also have an appointment with my therapist next weekend so maybe she can help me shed some light on these current feelings.
Posted 11/8/2015 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Scaredy Cat, honestly you are the best. One of the reasons im on this forum is you, Hibee, AngelLisa, Jake's Mom and a few others. You guys are amazing. I dont think I would have been able to fight this without this group in particular.
Posted 11/8/2015 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
TKBG,

I love our community as well! It has been a lifeline for me! :)

Keep posting and stay hopeful. :)

Great quote btw!!

S.C.
Posted 11/8/2015 7:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hey TKBG,

Im goin through exactly what youre going through except im on a little more of the obssesive thought side. Im going through what I would call a rough patch as well. We have a group chat on skype if you would like to join to help and talk. Let me know if you would be interested.
Posted 11/8/2015 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time of it at the moment setbacks are very frustrating but it's important to remain as positive as possible and keep telling yourself you can get through it.

Obsessive thoughts are difficult to deal with so it's important to double up on your coping skills during a tough period. I try and keep myself busy during these periods so I don't have time to think lately I have been using Netflix lol and when every the thoughts get bad I just put on Netflix seems to work.

Keep us posted.

Hibee
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