A little change of pace and positivity for my friends here at HW

So first of all I decided to discontinue the Lamictal because my skin was red, itchy, and my wife said I looked like I had a sunburn all over my body. I couldn't get in touch with my p-doc to ask him whether I should continue it or not so I decided I'm not going to continue it, I only took it once yesterday, so I doubt its going to be a big deal.

I'm just going to double up on my self-help and mindfullness meditation, keep taking my Lexapro 20 mg and Klonopin 1mg 2xDaily and see this recent down moment as a setback. I don't need more meds. I'm also going to wait until I get the results from the tests my therapist is going to give me to discover if I am truly at risk of being bipolar or whatever before I add another pill in my mouth. Many people have beat anxiety with no meds. I have two that have helped me, but I have to say that a lot of the helping has to come from within and I honestly have let the anxiety cycle grab me again. So no more!

Anyway, I know we all like to keep things private in this forum, but I'm an open book besides my name so only share what you would like and if you want to share. But I wanted to know a bit more about the great people I have met here on HW and are currently fighting this good fight with me.

So share what you would like, but here I will share some things about myself.

I'm TheKickboxingGuy
32 years old, I live in sunny Florida. I have a beautiful wife and an incredible baby boy. They are both the love of my life. I am also lucky because both of my parents are alive and well and live just a few miles down the street and have been a huge help.

Just today my mother in law came to visit from my wife's home country and will be staying with us for 6 months. She is a huge help with the baby and she is also like a second mother to me so I am lucky there as well.

My nickname is TheKickboxingGuy because I spent a little over 10 years competing semi-professionally and professionally in Muay Thai, a kickboxing art that is originally from Thailand. I fought over 30+ times, won a few state and national titles, fought overseas, got my butt kicked but also kicked a lot of butts too! I travelled to Thailand on multiple occasions to train and fight and it is one of my favorite places in the world. I am currently hoping to save up enough money to take my wife and son so they can see why I fell in love with that absolutely breathtaking country.

I am a graphic designer, podcaster, and digital content manager. I run my own business but have a 9-5 job working with a major national broadcasting and multimedia company in the US. A job I hope and I pray I will be able to keep as I fight this second bout of anxiety and depression in my life (the first one was 12-13 years ago).

I also teach kickboxing at my coach's gym 2-3 times a week. But 4 months ago when all of this anxiety started and spiraled out of control I stopped teaching. I miss it and want to get back there soon. I'm working my way at getting back in there.

Anyway that's me, I love the martial arts, I love Thailand, and I am currently fighting anxiety and depression. I accept my condition. But my condition does not define me....and it should not define any of you. I am a loving father, loving husband, former kickboxing badass that is an awesome graphic designer and loves all things photography, design, and digital media. That is who I am. Anxiety...hear me roar.

I would like to hear who all of you are...what makes you, YOU. Because you are not this condition. You are not this anxiety. You are all beautiful, wonderful people with a plethora of talents to give to the world. I don't know you other than this forum but you are my friends, because you understand what I am going through and I understand you.

I wanted to leave you guys with an awesome post I read the other day from a great motivator I follow:

Lewis Howes said...
There are two powerful people inside of you.

The first is your HERO.

Your hero lifts you up.
He cheers you on. He gives you the strength when your fears take over you body and mind.
Your HERO is the truth.
He is spiritual and stays committed to a powerful vision that is bigger than himself.
Your HERO has no limits and dreams like a child where anything in the world is possible.

The other person inside of you is your HATER.

This person feeds off your fears.
He tells you how much you suck, that you can't achieve it, and that you aren't enough.
He sabotages everything good in your life and continues to keep you down.
Your HATER loves to push your buttons and dive into your triggers to make you react from fear instead of love.

Both your HERO and your HATER live inside you and are extremely powerful.

Every day you get to make a choice.

Which one will show up for you today?

I know that sometimes this anxiety drives us up the wall...it makes us cry, doubt, look at the world with fear. It makes us scared of everything. It affects us all differently...but we all are fighting it and I know we will all beat it and if not beat it tame it, domesticate it, and control it like a loving pup. You guys are all strong. Im writing this during my own moment of weakness...but I will not give up. And you won't either. I won't let you!

am a turtle.

a mental health advocate, write poetry, some published eons ago, have put some on the forums over the years, done youth work, drug and alcohol studies, stacks of academic studies, worked with kids with disabilities, a carer (new) survived 3 hairy situations (toe tag territory) was a speed and trick skater. I am a giver, (learning to receive). love metal.

Hi TKBG

I agree stopping the Rx was a good idea is it is well known for causing rashes and like you said you only took it the once so no problems stopping but do tell your pdoc what you have done.

Sounds like you are an active guy and I hope you get back to teaching your love of kick boxing I have a friend who is rated as a good Muay Thai kick boxer.

Thanks for sharing with us here's a bit about me.

I live in Scotland and hit the big 40 this year.

I love outdoor sports and participate in the following to a high standard Skiing, Rock Climbing, Wind Surfing but have not been able to do much in the last few years due to chronic back pain which sucks.

My other passion is music and I love going to gigs

Hibee

Great post!

I'm 44, married & live in NE Indiana. We have 2 dogs & have been married 11 yrs.

I had my first panic attack in HS after smoking pot (dumb)! lol I just thought it was a "bad trip." In 1988, i'd never heard of a panic attack. I got over it that evening. 5 yrs later in college, had another panic attack that led to depression in a New York minute- like 3 days! Took a med, got better, stopped med after 6 months and didn't have any issues for about 15 years (sound familiar?), lol.

Alas, it came back but currently (mostly) in remission. What I NOW know bc of this last muck up from last year is, to LEARN from it. Even though I was a social worker, I didn't learn or implement self help skills for myself..! The only thing I "learned" was to pray I never had another anxiety/depression episode. THAT is called living in fear. I wasn't necessarily aware of that fear but it was hiding in there. I used unhealthy distractions to keep it at bay- over eating, cigarettes, video games (I still cant believe my husband and I played a multi player vid game for EIGHT years lol! I soooo never thought I'd be a nerd like that but I was. And I loved it. I embrace my nerd side now lol).

ANYWAY- I'm choosing now to learn not to live in fear, as well as mending past hurts I didn't realize I was carrying. I'm REALLY working on my self esteem in therapy. I had no clue how truly low my self esteem was. I believe it's the root of my anxiety.

I'm a homemaker currently, but looking for a part-time job to "put myself back out there." I have an interview in the morning for an aide position in a special needs preschool.

I have a bachelors degree in Human Services & have mostly worked w/children & families in a social work setting (I did home visits) but also in preschool settings. I love love children, just other people's lol.

I collect and decorate with, vintage art and furniture. Staying creative is so good for me but I've neglected it. I'm back in business and where I used to like to paint & draw, I'm crafting homemade body lotions & creams with organic ingredients and essential oils. I'm making them for Christmas gifts, in addition to making homemade vanilla extract for everyone!

I'm the youngest of 5 kids, "the baby." My daddy passed in 2008. Mom is still here, soon to be 79, & we are very close. I live abt 40 miles from my hometown so I go back often just to visit.

Sorry if this is TLDR! lol (Too Long Didn't Read). I too love hearing everyone's story.

All the best-
Lisa

Hi Meeshy.:)

Good to hear from you...and nice to get to know you better.:)

Post anytime...as you said, we are here for you anytime you need support.:)

Talk soon,

S.C.

p.s.I will eat anything you want to bake for me.;p

Happy, I will bake you all the cupcakes and cookies you can eat! I love making sugar cookies with butter cream frosting, any type of cupcakes and buckeyes (which for those that aren't in Ohio State Buckeye country, that's peanut butter rolled and dipped into chocolate) YUMMY!!! :)

Hi everyone!

I posted an intro below a little bit. I'm 41 married & a mother of a ridiculous cool 6 year old girl and a maddening rascal of a 3 year old boy. I stay at home w them. Before the kids I worked in the corporate world. We live in Colorado, but I'm originally from the northeast, and lived in Seattle for a few years.

I love eating too many truffles (anyone try the christmas ones they had at Whole Foods?), trying new restaurants and have never found a fresh baked loaf of bread that didn't have my name on it.

I started experiencing panic attacks as a teen had mild agoraphobia by my early 20's and wound up dropping out of college because of it. Luckily, I went back a few years later and finished my degree.

I love high intensity exercise (try feeling anxious after a Crossfit class, impossible!), and used to kickbox (as a work out, nothing serious) but have an ankle injury that makes pivoting painful. If you're looking for something to make you feel powerful, try kickboxing or crossfit, you'll feel like a badass.

Hmmm, what else...I feel like I'm a super happy person stuck with an anxious depressives brain. I stopping "partying" as a teen because every time I smoked or drank I would have a panic attack, and the fear of that has morphed into a phobia of alcohol, haven't had a drink in 23 years, never had one legally. To "choose" not to drink it one thing, to not be able to because of a phobia sucks. But what an odd thing to "work on".

I'm grateful for my anxiety because it makes me clear on what's important right quick. I'm not pining for more stuff, I don't think that I'd only be happy if only I had x, y or z. When I'm peaceful and my family is happy and healthy, I have everything I need. The anxiety & depression has guided me to a path of yoga, meditation, mindfulness and appreciating small moments, I feel lucky for that.

I'm working on Acceptance (hence the screen name) and Self Compassion when it comes to my "condition". Not there yet, but I've seen glimpses. My biggest struggle now is being angry at and feeling defeated by the anxiety. Luckily I love my therapist and we're working on those very things in about 2 hours from now :)

Andddd I'm trying not to apologize for sounding so darn self absorbed after writing this :)

i just sat here for 20 minutes and wrote a whole novel. and then lost it. wow. well it was therapeutic for me to get it all out I guess.

Hi guys!

I am a mom too two girls, ages 3 and 9. I am an interior and wedding designer and own my own business. I also recently started a food blog too!

I will be 40 this year (wow, that's the first time I've ever said that, haha).

I've had three bouts with anxiety, starting when I was 28. With the first one I thought I had lung cancer because I couldn't breathe. The second bout was my shortest, as I got on buspar and Xanax and it helped immensely. The third was a couple years ago and it was my longest and absolute worst (in fact, I'm still recovering). It was accompanied with a wicked case of agoraphobia that kept me pretty much housebound for a couple months.

Anyway, we just recently moved, after living in my current house for 12 years. We put an offer in way back in September, but it was a short sale, so we didn't close until December 23. It was an incredibly stressful situation, so after being in recovery for quite a few months, my anxiety was definitely higher than it has been.

I love seeing where everyone comes from and their situations. It reminds me that we are all fighting the same battle and we are not alone:)