Coping with Monophobia?

I've had anxiety since I was really little, with it hitting an all time high last winter. I didn't leave the house for two weeks- I thought about hurting myself and cried daily, feeling ashamed and upset since I wasw basically non-functional due to anxiety. I'm really glad to say I'm doing 1000x better today- I got help and my medication was adjusted, and now I'm graduating high school a year early and attending high school on the side.

I have lingering monophobia, though- I'm afraid to be alone. I'm 16 years old and I don't like to be left alone at home or in the store. I had a really bad panic attack in walmart once and ended up just sitting in the bathroom crying, and while I've managed to conquer my agoraphobia, my monophobia lingers.

It's the strangest feeling in the world- I'm a teenager and I get fed up easily, listening to music a lot and wanting to be left alone- but if my parents leave the house to go shopping without me, I get anxious. Not full-blown attack, but anxious, nonetheless.

I can't let my mom out of my sight in the store. I get afraid that I'll lose her and be trapped in the store with no method of escape and break down in front of all these strangers and that someone may call the police or something.

When I stay home alone I fear I'll *self harm* or have a heart attack and die or something. Most of the time, I can settle myself down by distracting myself, and once my parents leave the anxiety dies down as I acclimate- but still, I want to nip this thing in the bud and be an independent teenager again. Any suggestions?

*reason for edit* suicidal ideations are triggers for some, and as such are not allowed in the forum as per rule #1

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 11/14/2015 10:39:29 PM (GMT-7)

I used to have the same fear when I went to a store with my mom. If by some chance my mom wandered off when I was looking at something so that she was out of my sight, I immediate thought my mom would forget I came with her and leave without me, and somehow I would be locked in the store overnight. This fear intensified 100x when we would go to a store at closing time. Over the loudspeaker they would announce the store was closing in 5 minutes and I would freak out! I also had a fear that my mom would forget me at school and I would have to stay the night there. Basically if she was late ANYWHERE I was, I would start panicking. I think at some point she was able to convince me that she would never leave me behind, and I got over the fear. To this day though, I hate being in stores at closing time!!!

I also have experience with bad thoughts when I am home alone. My mind dwells on terrible things that "might" happen, and then I go into a panic because I am afraid I will do something to myself with no one there to stop me. What helps me get out of that mindset was something my dad told me. He said "The fact you are so scared is proof that you would never do anything bad that you're thinking about." At first I didn't believe him, but then I realized that he was right. I don't want anything bad to happen to me or anyone else. I certainly don't want to be the cause of it! When I am caught in one of anxiety's lies about what might happen if I'm home alone, I tell myself:

"You are in charge here, even if you are having intrusive thoughts. Keyword being INTRUSIVE which means they are coming from anxiety. You would not choose to have these thoughts given the choice, so let's not give anxiety any more power. Just remember that you won't do anything you don't want to do. You are in charge of your actions."

Then I do something that occupies my mind, like do the dishes, take a shower, or something else that takes a bit of thought. Sometimes it's just really hard to shake the fear and the obsessive thoughts, and I find when that happens, taking a walk outside really helps me.

One other thing that helps me greatly is medication, but since you are a minor, I guess you need to get parental consent for that. BTW, you're not a failure if you decide to seek professional help after not being able to wrangle these horrific thoughts on your own. Many of us can't, or it has taken YEARS — and that's after therapy and medication! It's a very scary illness, and it's not your fault, so don't feel like you are supposed to get better all on your own. It was tough for me to break down and go see a psychiatrist for the first time, but I am so glad I did, because I got on some medicines that help keep those thoughts out of my head and my anxiety in check.

Take care, and keep us posted!

-Cat