Anxiety is ruining my life

It all started out of nowhere 6 months ago. I started getting anxiety and panic attacks out of nowhere without any trigger. Anxiety runs in my family which is probably the reason I started having it out of nowhere. It would get worse and worse everyday and I didn't get any help at the time because I was hopeful that it was just a phase that would go away. But here I am with my anxiety at its worst. It's gotten so bad I've developed agoraphobia where I'm scared to leave my house for the fear of having a panic attack in public. Going to work is really hard for me. Everyday I get exhausted from trying so hard to calm myself down at work and trying to prevent panic attacks. I force myself to go to work because anxiety has ruined a lot of things in my life but I refuse to let it cause me to lose my job. Everyday I live in constant fear and anxiety almost like the anxiety has just taken over my life and I feel like I have no control over it. My panic attacks are so horrible that they make me feel like I will drop dead any second even though I know a panic attack can't kill you I still get scared over them every single time. I once had the biggest panic attack in my life that was so bad I ended up in the hospital. They ended up prescribing me .25 of Xanax as needed. When I have my panic attacks I do feel that the Xanax helps slightly but only for about 3 hours then my anxiety comes right back . I also try to take the Xanax as least as possible since I have heard it's addicting. My physical anxiety symptoms have gotten so bad that it leads me to believe I have something wrong with me however when I go to the doctor and get test done everything is always fine. I still find it hard to believe because it's just really crazy how sick this anxiety makes me feel all the time. I even get the physical symptoms when my mind is calm and not anxious which I don't understand how that's possible. That also leads me to believe I have something wrong with me that the doctors haven't found. I had another trip to the hospital because I felt so sick and short of breath and dizzy and was almost fainting and I was sure something was wrong but of course they told me it's just anxiety. They also told me if I keep coming back to the hospital they would have to admit me into the psychoward for crazy people which made me feel even worse and just made me feel hopeless like they couldn't help me . I really don't know what to do about my anxiety . I've already lost my relationship from it and some friends. I can't enjoy the activities that I used to enjoy anymore. It's literally ruining my life day by day. I can't even sleep anymore because I get panic attacks as I'm trying to fall asleep. I feel hopeless and alone and unsupported and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't personally know anyone with anxiety that I can talk to except for my family but they have already gotten tired of hearing about it and telling me the same thing over and over again that it will just go away one day. But I have been patiently waiting for it to go away or at least lessen or become manageable but that still hasn't happened yet. I want my life to go back to normal but I'm scared I'll be like this forever and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm disheartened whenever I read stories that mirror my own and so many others. I'm simply going to say that I truly feel for you and understand your plight - it's horrible. I will recommend talking to a psychiatrist and getting setup on a regimen of appropriate medications. Dispense with the Xanax and go for a longer acting benzo. In my experiences diazepam is best due to the longer half life of it and its active metabolites. Klonopin is also quite effective. I was able to get my panic under control using Lexapro in conjunction with an as needed benzo. I know there are some who discourage the latter's use due to tolerance and dependence, but I honestly found it indispensable.

Hi Brandi - We feel for you. I was in the same position not that long ago and already have come quite a ways after I sought help. I was having daily panic attacks that were quite physical as well. Every morning, like clockwork, I would have a panic attack and feel like I was choking - I also dry heaved/brought up stomach bile... which then led into insomnia for me. At my first Dr. appt, I really wanted them to come back with it being anything else other than anxiety/depression. I totally get your concerns there. You are not crazy. Like everyone else has said, please talk to your doctor. They can come up with a plan to battle it. There is no reason you to feel this way every day when there are things out there that can help you. Lexapro finally kicked in for me and I'm on Day 6 of not having a panic attack after having one every morning for the last few months. I never ever thought I would see the day. If you need someone to talk to, you can email me or even text. It's nice to have someone that understands when you need that support. Wishing you the best!

Brandi,
Reading your story reminded me so much of my own. Like you, my panic/anxiety attacks don't necessarily have a particular trigger-- they occur unprompted-- which is the scariest part. However, I will say, after coming to this forum and reading about all of the coping mechanisms and just having people here who truly understand, has helped immensely. Like you, my physical symptoms are always there, but it's up to us whether to give them power or not. It's a constant battle between me and my head, but the more I've been patient with myself and have allowed myself to be vulnerable (especially on this forum), the better I have become, and I have gotten better even when I felt that there was no hope.

Please, please use this forum as a resource in addition to seeing if your doctor can perhaps prescribe you an anti-anxiety/SSRI or suggest a therapist.

We are all here for you!