I'm not sure about these feelings..

I've been around here on the ulcerative colitis forms for a little bit, just trying to understand and get support.

Recently, I feel like I've just been living in a rut and I didn't really know where to go or where to post.
Nothing seems really wrong in my life, I have everything I want and need basically, but at the same time everything seems wrong in my life.
I can't get out of bed for class. I'm a 4.0 student, as a junior accounting major, and recently I haven't even studied for my last exams. I made a 40 on the last one. I can't return anyone except my two best friends texts or phone calls. I went home for thanksgiving and didn't leave my bed except for the lunch, at which I proceeded to cry and cry into my brothers shoulder because 'there was too many people.' I really hate having facial hair and I cannot shave my face at all. Everything just seem entirely too overwhelming. I overthink things beyond belief. I was lying in bed one night, sent a goodnight text to my romantic interest, didn't get one in return and continued to cry the rest of the night because I thought I had did something wrong, when in reality he had fallen asleep. I take everything to the extreme and yelled at someone over a simple emoji the other day.
I'm just not like myself. I don't have suicidal 'thoughts' but rather 'movies' that flash through my head. For example, if I'm driving, a 'movie' will play through my head about what it would be like if I drove head onto this eighteen wheeler on the other side of the median. Sometimes my head hurts and my thoughts are so bad I just imagine a gun to the side of my head, and it helps. But I would never ever hurt myself.
I've talked to my doctor, I got lexapro, 10 mg. advised that I see a phychiastrist. I just don't know what to do. I've always been a happy, jolly person. But it just disappeared one day. I'm agitated all the time. I don't know who I am anymore basically.
I do see a counseler everyweek, and it's the highlight of my week. But once it is over, I sink back. And possibly deeper.

I'm sorry for the rant. I just don't quite understand.

Thank you so much.
I would love to see what you have to say
I've only been on for about a week and I know it takes longer than that it's just so hard to stay up while it takes such a while to work.
I've also been waking up with the worst headaches i've ever had - it just feels like someone is squeezing my head as hard as they can.
I also have this horrible thought (feeling?) that my GI misdiagnosed my Ulcerative Colitis and i'm just having tummy problems due to my anxiety and all that jazz. I have no idea though of course i'm not a doctor.

Thank you so much, again.

Here are the links I though might be specifically targeted for you...but please see the Resources in its entirety when you get the chance!

Free on-line CBT programs:

 

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

Therapy Work Sheets:

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm

http://www.stress-relief-exercises.com/

S.C.

Hi John!

Sorry that you are going through a hard time!
I totally agree with S.C. about medication and therapy options for your issue. Please don't be prejudiced against the use of medication, as many people do.
There are some problems which won't get much benefit from meds and therapy alone would be great for those, but problems related to anxiety and depression would get maximum benefit from Anti Depressants.
Also a therapy option (if possible) added to meds, will be silver bullet :)

Do not worry, it will be alright and you will feel better again.

As for U.C. my great grandmother had it, also my grandma. As far as I know, it is very hard to misdiagnose it if they make tests and/or colonoscopy. But if your doctor is trying to improve their "wild guessing" skills, I can't say much!
And yes, anxiety/depression has grave effects on digestive system.

Please keep us updated, we are here for you! (even though I am a bit afk lately, uhhh -.-)

Hey all,
I did indeed have a colonoscopy and I'm taking Lialda 2x a day to treat my UC. I just have this weird thought in my head that he just misdiagnosed me even though there's a really really low chance that that happened. I tend to have those thoughts a lot about a lot of things (my relationship, my schoolwork, etc etc... And I always tend to believe my mind and it really doesn't work out with me in the end.)
I just worry about such small things beyond belief. For example, I recently have an HIV test and although I had almost a 0% chance of having it, I freaked out so bad I seemed to have almost a panic attack at 4 am one morning. My mind seems to worry about things it shouldn't and stick to those things and just disregard things that I really should be worrying about. I really don't understand why.
I thank you all for the kind words and I hope the lexapro + therapy does do the trick. I am really considering visiting a psychiatrist just to see officially what/if anything major is wrong.

Hey john

I'm glad to here that the combination of medication and therapy is working for you. You may also include some self-help methods. Try meditation, exercise, music therapy, and painting.

I find it useful to be creative whenever we feel sad or lethargic. Anyway it's good to hear you progress. Keep it up and never doubt. Have patience and faith.

I hope to hear from you again.