Posted 1/21/2016 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
Last night was hard. I've been weaning off the klonopin, so I'm no longer having those drug induced sleep like a baby nights. Sleeping 'ok'
In general, but last night my husband had a fall in the middle of the night (he's ok, long story), but the sound of a 6'3" 240lbs man hitting the floor is not a sound I'll soon forget.
Needless to say, I was awake from 1-5am. So on top
Of being sick for a few days add insomnia and I'm ripe for a meltdown.
Enter, forum searching. When I peel all
of my anxiety away, the last layer always comes back to being in relationships. I feel terribly claustrophobic, and would just bail on relationships time after time. Well, now I'm married 8yrs w 2 kids and absolutely want nothing more that to appreciative and be content in the life that I have. But I can't. I try, and I have moments of clarity, but the guilt for analyzing if I'm in love 'enough' is crushing. Then the thought process goes to 'fortune telling' that I'm going to run away from my marriage and family leaving a path of pain and destruction of everything I've ever wanted. I have a loving (not perfect, but no one is)husband and a great kids, I'm not disillusioned enough to think I'd be 'happier' or 'less anxious' if I had more or something else.
I found an old thread about ROCD, relationship OCD. And this explanation dots all of the remaining 'i's' in my anxiety.
SC and anyone else, does anyone have experience with this? Any stories to share or resources would be incredibley helpful. I know there are some intrusive thought links in the resources page, I'll check those out.
Thanks in advance, today's just going to be a rough day.